[We are inside a mansion. Six men in suits sit at a table, with papers in front of them. There is a jug and some glasses of water on the table.]
Hasbro Exec #1: Let's be firm this time! The fate of the Transformers franchise depends on it!
[Everyone nods in agreement. Michael Bay, nude, descends the stairs.]
Hasbro Exec #2: Mr. Bay! P-please put on some pants!
Michael Bay: I hear you have some issues with the script for T5.
[he grabs his prehensile penis and uses it to flip through the script pages. As he turns the pages, the first Hasbro executive speaks up.]
Hasbro Exec #1: I... yes, well, the, uh... the pe--, pe--, peni-- uuhh..., the story seems rather nonsensical.
Michael Bay: [gestures to himself with his penis] I approved these changes myself. [points at script page] See, in this scene here, Prime reveals he's from the planet Magnatron.
Hasbro Exec #2: But Optimus Prime is from Cybertron!
Michael Bay: No, I explained all that here: [takes a quill with his penis and draws a circle around the scene in question] he arrived on Cybertron as a boy [flips the script over by whacking it with his penis].
Hasbro Exec #1: Autobots aren't ever children!
Michael Bay: And he met the Autobots in high school.
Hasbro Exec #2: There are no high schools on Cyb--
Michael Bay: And he invented transforming in metal shop.
Hasbro Exec #1: That's absurd!
Michael Bay: And he holds the patent, so the Decepticons owe him a lot of money.
Hasbro Exec #1: MR. BAY, THAT'S ENOUGH!!! [calms down] We at Hasbro...
[Bay, ignoring him, takes a cigarette, uses his penis to strike a match, and lights it.]
Hasbro Exec #1: Mr. Bay, please, my sinus--
[Michael Bay flicks the burned out match at his nose.]
Hasbro Exec #1: Ow! Mr. Bay, I must protest--!
[Michael Bay shakes a martini shaker with his penis, before setting it down, opening it, and pouring it's contents into a cocktail glass and adding some olives.]
Hasbro Exec #1: Mr. Bay, please, please...
Michael Bay: Martini, gentlemen?
Hasbro Exec #2: ...we are not in a festive mood.
Michael Bay: More for me.
[He sticks his penis into the drink and uses it to drink it up. The executives, clearly disgusted, move to leave.]
Hasbro Exec #1: We ha- have-- we have no further notes! Thank you!
[They leave. Michael Bay turns to his friend, Mortimer.]
Michael Bay: You know, Mortimer, people always ask me "Where do you get the balls to make a movie that fucking awesome?!" And I always respond, "not balls. To make movies this fucking awesome, you need a prehensile penis."
[Bay bumps his fist twice against the tip of his penis, before high-fiving it. Title card: TRANSFORMERS 5 LATER MADE 2.1 BILLION DOLLARS WORLDWIDE.]
[cut to static]