Discovery Channel Executive: Mr. Thornberry, your nature documentaries used to be our bread and butter here at Discovery Channel, but lately, we've had a... how do you say, philosophical shift. (Points to posters of Naked and Afraid and Eaten Alive)
Nigel: Well, those aren't educational at all! You're the Discovery Channel! Where's the discovery? Discovering that people are human garbage?
Discovery Channel Executive: Sorry, Thornberry. Bring me a show I can air, or beat it.
(The Thornberry family are outside, the Comvee is parked in the background.)
Nigel: We just have to invent a series that will blow the network's doors off!
Debbie: UGH!! I don't wanna make a new series! Traveling around the world making nature documentaries is stupid!
Marianne: Debbie, let me lay a little truth on you. Sex with your father is like getting fucked with a dead fish and putting the family in constant danger is the only way I get wet.
Debbie: A new show! (Nervous laugh) Yay...
Nigel: Smashing!
(Nigel is on a plane naked.)
Nigel: Hello, I'm Nigel Thornberry. My family and I love to get wild. Wild as fuck!
(The family jump off the plane, save for Debbie, who is afraid to jump.)
Nigel: Off you go! (Shoves Debbie off the plane, then he jumps off the plane)
Debbie: (screams) You son of a bitch!
(The family hold hands while skydiving, except Debbie, who just floats downwards into the camera, The Wild Thornberrys: Wild As F*** logo appears)
(The family are in the forest naked.)
Nigel: We are a family of nudists surviving in darkest Africa armed only with our wits. (A tiger and two lions walk up to them) And flamethrowers. (The family use flamethrowers to kill the lions and tiger.)
(From this point onwards, they have their clothes on again)
Marianne: It's about conservation. And protecting the environment.
Eliza: In what way?
Debbie: I'm starving! What's for dinner?
Eliza: Tarantulas.
Debbie: Are you fucking serious?
Eliza: Contrary to popular belief, tarantula venom isn't fatal to humans. Duh. (Eats tarantula along with Donnie and Darwin)
Debbie: Jesus, why?
Nigel: It's about conservation. And protecting the environment. (Eats tarantula) Smashing! (muffled) Oh, you can really taste the... hairs.
(The Wild Thornberrys: Wild As F*** logo appears again, followed by Eliza and Darwin getting married)
Eliza: And later this season on Thornberrys: Wild as Fuck.
Debbie: This is a crime against nature!
Marianne: It's part of the local culture, sweetie.
Tribe Man: (speaking native language. Subtitle: "No. This is a crime against nature.")
Marianne: Yes, that's right. Bleh, blah, conservation, protecting the environment.
(Back to Discovery Channel Studios)
Nigel: Well, what do you think?
Discovery Channel Executive: Thornberry, your new show is morally bankrupt and utterly devoid of educational content. In other words, it's the perfect show for Discovery Channel!
Nigel: Capital!
Discovery Channel Executive: And it's really made me clear of what I'm doing with my life. (throws chair at window and jumps out) Whoo hoo! (crashes, car alarm sounds)
Nigel: Oh my god! (grabs camera) Now that is wild as fuck!