(The Nerd is walking through a hallway with a bully waiting near his locker)
Bully: Blam!
(Bully trips Nerd, which makes his books fall to the ground)
Nerd: My studies!
(Bully grabs the Nerd's underwear and pulls out, giving him a wedgie)
Nerd: These are brand new.
(Bully shoves the Nerd into his locker and closes it, locking him in)
Bully: Blam! Ha! That's for, uhh, Ha! Nerd!
(Nerd falls back into a winter wonderland where he lands on his face in the snow)
Nerd: My goodness! I've fallen into a strange and magical land.
(Nerd bends down to pick up wood where Mr. Tumnus is seen behind him)
Nerd: Well, you're no excalibur, but then again I'm no King Arthur!
Mr. Tumnus: Hello there, stranger. I'm Mr.-
(Mr. Tumnus is beaten to death by the Nerd)
Nerd: *scream* M-M-M-M-Monster! *scream* Monster! *cry* Monster, die! *deep breath*
Nerd: Wow. I killed that creature. I'm a hero! Good job, Excalibur-2! But I'm freezing.
(Jadis the White Witch is seen rolling by on her reindeer drawn carriage)
Jadis: I, the White Witch, have sensed a new bor- Holy shit!
(Nerd is seen warming himself from a fire partially created by Mr. Tumnus's body)
Nerd: My queen.
Jadis: Oh. Uh, care to come to my castle and enjoy some Turkish Delight?
Nerd: Ooh, boy. My first sexual experience without a computer!
Jadis: Turkish Delight is a candy.
Nerd: Ooh, boy. Candy!
Jadis: And now, my champion, we will defeat my enemy...The talking lion.
Nerd: What? The talking lion? *fart noise* You mean there's no dragons or Balrogs or even ringwraiths?
Jadis: No. Just a talking lion, who's now the allegory for Jesus.
Nerd: Well, I don't know. Even a talking lion sounds pretty scary. I'm not all that-
(Jadis pulls down her shirt to reveal her boobs to the Nerd)
Nerd: Your wish is my command.
(The nerd is seen on a unicorn holding a sword)
Nerd: Woo-hoo-hoo! This is the best Larpse ever!
Unicorn: Later, I'll show you how to cross swords!
Santa Claus: And now young children, may these guide you through your journeys.
Peter: Why is Santa Claus giving us lethal weapons?
Nerd: Hee-hee-hee! Look at me! I'm on a horse!
Santa: There he is, children. Kill him!
(Susan accidentally shoots Santa in the back of the neck with her arrow. The two quickly leave)
Nerd: Eat your hearts out, Worlds of Warcraft!
Aslan: *groan* This is why kids should read good Christian fantasies instead of Harry Potter.
Centaur: You seen that play with Daniel Radcliffe's penis?
Aslan: What kind of question is that to ask the Jesus allegory lion? But yes.
Nerd: Woo-hoo!
(Aslan is decapitated by the Nerd)
Nerd: Three-hundred experience points for me! Great job, Excalibur III!
Bully: I'm bored. Where'd I leave that nerd?
(Bully opens a locker to reveal Daniel, another nerd)
Daniel: *deep breaths* Thank you, sir; the air is very tight in here-
Bully: Not that nerd!
(Bully hears horse feet coming towards him)
Bully: What the?
Nerd: *scream*
(Nerd decapitates Bully with his sword after he comes out of the locker on his unicorn.)
Principal: You're both in big trouble!
Nerd: It was worth it, my queen.
Principal: I hope you know this will come down on your permanent record!
Unicorn: You can't tell my parents!
Principal: Do you even go to this school?
Unicorn: Do you?!
(End of Sketch)