(Beast-Man is chopping at a tree in the forest.)
Beast-Man: Boss, this is taking forever.
Skeletor: Keep chopping, you drain clog! Once we harvest the energy of the oldest tree in Eternia, we can destroy Castle Greyskull once and for all! (Laughs)
Evil-Lyn: You know, Skeletor, based on our track records, this probably won't work.
Skeletor: Uh, life's a journey, not a destination.
(He-Man appears out of nowhere.)
He-Man: Not so fast, Skeletor! Trees are some of our most precious resources.
Skeletor: Uhh...who you talking to?
He-Man: Your face! (Punches Skeletor)
He-Man: You know what they say: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush! (kicks Evil-Lyn in the groin)
(He-Man is slapping Skeletor.)
He-Man: What? You gonna cry now? Cry like a big baby?
Skeletor: Stop it! All right! Okay! All Right! Okay, stop it! You know what? Okay! I don't even have tear ducts, you jerk!
He-Man: You know what you need? A good skull-fucking!
Skeletor: (Shocked) What?
(There is the sound of something being hit.)
He-Man: Uggh! What the-- oomph!
(He-Man falls over, dead. An axe is in his back.)
Skeletor: Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Beast-Man, what did you do?
Beast-Man: I don't know! I mean, I thought he would block it or something! I mean, he's He-Man!
Evil-Lyn: This is the first murder in Eternian history! If the King finds out, it's the guillotine for us all!
Skeletor: Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, we're up shit creek without a paddle, man!
Chorus: HE-MAN...
Skeletor: Okay, read that back to me.
Beast-Man: (Reading) "Being He-Man sucked more than you think. Falling backwards onto an axe now, the way I always talked about doing. Love, He-Man."
Skeletor: Ehh...foolproof!
Evil-Lyn: Let's get the hell out of here!
(Orko flies in and discovers He-Man's corpse.)
Orko: Oh, no! I must tell King Randor and the Sorceress this terrible news!
Chorus: HE-MAN...
(Cut to Snake Mountain. The door is being barricaded.)
Skeletor: Oh, we're so dead! Oh, we're so dead, we're so dead, we're so dead, we're so screwed!
Evil-Lyn: I'm turning over a new leaf. From this point forward, I'm no longer Evil-Lyn. You may call me "Good-Lyn".
Skeletor: Ehh. You know, I always thought your name was Evelyn. It's Weird. All this time, it's been "Evil-Lyn".
Evil-Lyn: Pretty clever, right?
Skeletor: Ehh. No.
(The door is being pounded on.)
Beast-Man: Aw, Game over, man! Game over!
Trap Jaw: Why is that door locked? I've gotta take a dump! (Glances behind him.) Holy fucking shit!
(Trapjaw is blasted through the front door, everyone shocked. Orko, all muscle-clad and carrying He-Man's Sword of Power, shows up.)
Orko: I HAVE THE POWER!!!
Skeletor: I have crapped my pants!
Chorus: HE-MAN!
Sorceress: Orko! Oh, thank goodness you found He-Man's Sword of Power! We can use it to bring him back to life!
Orko: He-Man would be back, and I'd be regular Orko again?
Sorceress: Absolutely. Uhh!
(Orko impales her through the chest.)
Orko: Yeah, but then that happened...
(Orko goes off, whistling. The credits roll.)