This is the Transcript for The Baloo Identity.
Scene 1[]
Mowgli, Baloo, and Bagheera from Disney's "The Jungle Book" are seen together in the Jungle resting against some trees.
- Mowgli: Today was so fun Baloo! I love that song you sang about "the Bare Necessities"
- Baloo: And you get that "Bare" not only means basic, but also that I'm a Bear. Right?
- Bagheera: (unenthusiastically) Yes, we get the wordplay...
- Mowgli: Goodnight Baloo!
- Baloo: Goodnight Little Britches.
Everyone then lays down to go to sleep. Baloo slowly goes to sleep. In his sleep though, Baloo is seen thrashing around violently and in pain. In his dreams, Baloo sees himself as he is in the series "Talespin" the scene then changes to him and Kit Cloudkicker flying in their plane. Some of Baloo's Tacos go flying out of the plane's windows.
- Kit: Watch out, Baloo!
- Baloo: Whoa, my Tacos!
In another scene, Baloo and Rebecca Cunningham are seen passing by one another in a hallway.
- Baloo: Hi Rebecca.
- Rebecca: Hi Baloo.
While greeting each other, Baloo accidentally walks in a wall clumsily. Another scene change happens and Baloo is seen in his Mambo Outfits that he's usually seen wearing in the show's opening sequence. While dancing, Baloo is seen shaking his bra around showing off his cleavage. Eventually, Baloo wakes up in a panic while Mowgli and Bagheera check to see if he's okay.
- Mowgli: What's wrong Baloo?
- Baloo: Oh, I'm having those dreams again. About a life where I flew a plane, and ate Tacos, and sometimes dressed in Drag, not only to solve crimes but mostly because I just enjoyed it.
- Bagheera: Oh that's ridiculous. You've always been a bear in the Jungle!
Suddenly, Kaa the Snake drops down from the tree that Baloo is sleeping by and startles everyone.
- Kaa: Who wantsssssss to be my dinner toni--?
- Baloo: GET OFF OF ME!!
In a panic, Baloo inadvertantly grabs Kaa by the throat and Kaa violently reacts by trying to snap at Baloo multiple times only to miss. Kaa then slithers around Baloo's waist to distract him and then lunges for him again, but Baloo cuts him off by punching him in the face a few times. Kaa lunges one more time, but Baloo catches him and then proceeds to break Kaa's jaw in a bloody display, killing Kaa. Mowgli looks terrified.
- Mowgli: How did you do that Baloo?
- Baloo: I don't know!
Everyone screams in terror when Baloo is suddenly seen wearing his Drag outfit again out of the blue. Bagheera then talks into a watch by himself in secrecy.
- Bagheera: He's catching on!
Conference Room[]
In a conference room, several agents are seen observing the actions that just happened, revealing that Baloo's life in the Jungle is all a lie.
- Agent 1: Agent 754 is in danger of remembering his former life as a bushpilot and C.I.A. asset. Looks like our plan has fallen into a real "Talespin." Talespin referring to both a plane flying out of control and a crazy story.
- Agent 2: Yeah we get the wordplay.
Scene 2[]
Baloo is seen sleeping again and once again he is thrashing around violently and in pain. This time in his dreams, King Louie can be seen shaking a pineapple around like a bottle of whiskey. The scene thene changes to parallel the Talespin counterpart of Louie in a Tiki Bar shaking an actual bottle of Whiskey while wearing a Hawaiian Shirt and Hat.
- Baloo: Louie!
Baloo and Louie are now seen in a Warehouse. Louie however is seen strapped up to an Electric Chair while Baloo is seen holding some electrified tongs, prepared to electrocute a terrified Louie.
- Baloo: You're the missing piece Louie, and now you're going to tell me about my former life you dirty, fucking ape!
- Louie: You mean "Project: Black Water?"
- Baloo: Huh?
- Louie: They put Black Dye into Water, and fed it to the Bears!--
As Louie continues to reveal the Truth to Baloo, a montage of scenes showing several Bears of different kinds dressed up like pilots and flying planes, only to crash them into the ground and causing several explosions. When Baloo is seen flying his plane, he is shown landing it perfectly.
- Louie: --In the hopes that it would allow them to pilot planes! 474 Bears crash-landed, it was terribly expensive. You were the only Bear that knew how to read an altometer!
- Baloo: Altimeter.
- Louie: SEE?! And now that your memory's returning, you're a danger to them! The things you know--
Suddenly while explaining Baloo's situation, Louie is shot in the head and killed by a shadowy figure outside the Warehouse. Baloo follows after the figure until they're both on top of a rooftop. Baloo shoots his pistol a few times to stop the figure.
- Baloo: Show yourself!
The hodded figure turns around and reveals herself to be Rebecca Cunningham.
- Baloo: Rebecca?
- Rebecca: That's right, it's me Baloo. I can explain everything, as long as a bullet doesn't--
As Rebecca is explaining herself to Baloo, she is shot in the head and killed too.
- Baloo: NO! It's Payback Time!
Conference Room[]
Back in the conference room that was scene in Scene 1, an unknown person is seen carrying some wine into the room.
- Baloo: (imitating a female voice) Drink sir?
- Agent 1: No thanks.
- Baloo: Are you sure? It's Black Water.
Baloo (dressed in his Drag Outfit) was revealed to be the unknown person and is now seen holding a pistol at the Agents.
- Baloo: This is gonna be a real drag! By which, I mean it will be a tedious bit unpleasant but also, I am a male wearing female garments.
- Agent 2: Yeah we get the wordplay--
While the 2nd agent is talking, he is cut off by Baloo shooting him in the head and killing him. The skit ends with Baloo shooting all the other agents in the room as they shout in terror.