Peter Pan: Fly with me, to Neverland!
Mary Darling: Children, no!
(Scene cuts to Neverland)
Peter Pan: These are the Lost Boys. They're not vampires.
(phone rings from inside a tree)
Peter Pan: (Curiously) We have a phone? (picks it up) Hello?
Bryan Mills: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. I don't know why you dress like...
Mary Darling: A gay Robin Hood.
Bryan Mills: Like a gay Robin Hood. I have a very particular set of skills that make me a nighmare for people like you. By which I guess I mean, flying gay Robin Hoods.
Peter Pan: Good luck finding Neverland, grandpa. (ends phone)
George Darling: Oh, what's he saying?
Bryan Mills: He's saying, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
Mary Darling: That's the dial tone.
Bryan Mills: Dial tone? Well, this is a very old phone. He's holding your children in what I presume is an underground sex club called Neverland.
George Darling: Oh thank goodness, you do security work for bankers like myself, Mr. Mills, but how will you reach the children? They were flying!
Mary Darling: I think I heard them say something about thinking happy thoughts.
Bryan Mills: Happy thoughts, eh?
(Scene shows a thought bubble of Bryan Mills grabbing Peter Pan and throwing him on a step)
Peter Pan: No! No! Please!
(Bryan crushes Peter's head destroying his face, thought bubble vanishes)
Bryan Mills: Whoo hoo, off I go!
(Bryan flies through the roof. Scene cuts to Neverland, Bryan kills the Lost Boys in a curtain (Warning: This contains cartoon sounds) except Slightly, who turns around and sees the other Lost Boys dead covered in blood.)
Slightly: (farts) I just pooped in my tail!
Bryan Mills: (holding Slightly at knifepoint) Where are the children? (Slightly farts again before being killed offscreen)
Wendy: I've never meet real live mermaids before.
Mermaids: (Laugh) That's so fun. Lets drown this bitch. (Grab Wendy by her arms)
Wendy: No, please, no!
Bryan Mills: (hits all the mermaids with pans (cartoon sound DING DING DING) and speaks to Wendy) Wendy, where are your brothers?
Wendy: There! On the pirate ship!
Captain Hook: Time for these little chickadees to walk the plank (laughs)!
Bryan Mills: (near dead pirates) Tick-tock, time's up! (kicks Captain Hook)
Captain Hook: (screams, falls into the crocodile's mouth)
Bryan Mills: I'm taking you home, children.
Peter Pan: Not so fast, you old codfish!
(Tinkerbell flies up to Bryan taunting him, Bryan uses his shoe to squash her)
Peter Pan: Tink! Good luck getting home without her fairy dust, asshole!
Bryan Mills: Why would I want to leave when my happy thoughts are about to come true?
Peter Pan: Your what?
Bryan Mills: (grabs Peter and throws him to a step and crashes his head with his foot)
Peter Pan: Oh! No, no! (screams, Peter's shadow comes out)
Wendy: Okay, but seriously man, how the f**k are we getting home?
Bryan Mills: Hang on. (grabs Peter's shadow and throws it on the same step)
Peter's shadow: No, no, wait! (screams)
Bryan Mills: (crushes Peter's shadow's head in black blood with his foot)