[The Hall of Doom has landed on a luxurious beach resort. Sinestro and Mr. Freeze, the former of whom is shown wearing an unflattering speedo, walk outside the Hall of Doom and run off joyously. The Joker is then shown walking along the beach.]
Joker: What a beautiful morning.
Weather Wizard: You're welcome.
Joker: Are you gonna make that joke every fucking day, Weather Wizard? Your power's not called July!
[Sinestro and Mr. Freeze are shown sitting on beach towels, next to some other guy who looks at Sinestro and says:]
Beach Guy: Hey, man! You're really sunburned! you should go inside!
Sinestro: This is my natural skin tone! You know what? Mind your own business!
Beach Guy: Okay, alright.
[Mr. Freeze puts sunblock on his helmet and draws a smiley face in it. Meanwhile, two little girls have made a sand sculpture of a mermaid and are playing as Clayface walks by.]
Clayface: Cute mermaid, girls. Damn cute. [He hands them money.] Hey, here's $5. Why don't you girls go get yourselves some ice cream?
[The two girls run off happily, as Clayface lies down next to the "mermaid" and tries to put the moves on her.]
Clayface: Hey there, baby. From around here? Clayface don't get to meet a lot of-
[Before he can say anything more, he and the "mermaid" get swept back by the tide. We then see Penguin, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Black Manta, Riddler, Brainiac, and Captain Cold, standing in front of a path with a sign that reads "Private Beach."]
Penguin: [Squawks] Hey, fellas! 'Private Beach' is code for 'Nude Beach'! [Squawks again]
Brainiac: Keep your visibly mangled and misshapen saussage cock in your pants, Penguin.
Penguin: Guys, at a nude beach -hey, that really hurt.- Guys, at a nude beach, there's nude women! [Squawks some more.]
[We then cut back to Sinestro and Mr. Freeze still sunbathing. The front half of Sinestro's body has been burned completely black, and the other guy from earlier takes notice.]
Beach Guy: Oh, my God!
Sinestro: [Wakes up.] What, huh?
Beach Guy: Aw, dude, you got fried!
Sinestro: I told you my skin is naturally [Sinestro realizes how burned he got.] HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Beach Guy: Problem?
Sinestro: Uh, nope.
[Sinestro stands up, clearly in horrible pain, and tries with great difficulty to put on his shirt, which hurts him even more.]
Beach Guy: Is it sunburn?
Sinestro: N-n-n-nope! [Gives out a pained moan.] I-I'm perfectly bronzed.
[A frisbee is thrown in Sinestro's direction and hits him in the chest, causing him to scream in agony. Meanwhile, the other guy looks at Mr. Freeze, who is still lying down.]
Beach Guy: Hey, I think this guy's dead!
[We then see Penguin, Black Manta, Brainiac, Scarecrow, and Riddler walking through the Private Beach in their birthday suits, although Scarecrow and Manta are still wearing their masks, and Penguin and Riddler their hats.]
Scarecrow: I think I'm finally comfortable in my own skin!
Penguin: So take off your mask!
Scarecrow: Uh, no, no. I'm a real But-his-face.
Brainiac: There's no judgement here, Scarecrow. We're all beautiful in our own way.
[An offscreen voice is heard.]
Voice: Look at those dudes' dicks!
[The five villains look up and see that the Private Beach is being inhabited by a fully-clothed [in beachwear] Justice League, who are laughing at them as they awkwardly try to cover themselves.]
Penguin: Right, so 'private' doesn't mean 'nude'?
Wonder Woman: 'Private' means private!
[Joker, also naked, walks up along with Lex Luthor, who is still fully clothed and wearing a sun hat.]
Lex Luthor: What are you fools doing? Where are your clothes?
Superman: What the hell kind of freak show are you running here, Luthor?
Lex Luthor: I'm just here looking for my daughter!
Lena: Daddy?
[We then see Lena with her boyfriend, who is revealed to by Superboy.]
Lex Luthor: Lena!
Superman: Daddy?
Lex Luthor: Lena, you are never to see him again!
Lena: No!
Superman: Connor, you are never to see that girl again!
Superboy: NO!
Penguin: Hey, a quarter!
[He bends over in front of Scarecrow to pick it up.]
Scarecrow: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
[We then see Superboy roasting marshmallows and weenies with the other superheroes.]
Robin: Golly, Superboy, how'd you ever land a high-class shittrail like Lena Luthor?
Superboy: Well, talking about teenagers having sex would be cheap exploitation. But singing about it is another story!
[Music starts up in the background as the characters begin to sing.]
Superboy:
I met Lena, went to a movie.
Lena:
Fell for Connor, I let him super-do me!
Superboy:
We made out- started to bone!
Lena:
You'd be surprised what they enhanced on this clone!
Superboy & Lena:
Super teens, who cares what they mean?
When all you need are super nights!
Justice League:
A pow, a bam, a boom, a crack!
Legion of Doom:
Give us dirt, give us dirt!
Green Lantern:
Did you find out their scheme?
Justice League:
Give us dirt, give us dirt!
Grodd:
Does his dick shoot red beams?
Lena:
Good thing my panties are 10% lead!
Superboy:
And she's no stranger to dicks with smooth heads!
Robin: Gross.
Superboy & Lena:
My super dad will get super mad!
Everyone:
But it's worth it for those super...
[Big finish!]
Batman:
NiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTS!!!
Lex Luthor: I let you finish that song as a professional courtesy. That was a mistake. Lena, you're too good for that super-trash!
Superman: My clone's too good to date a filthy Luthor!
Grodd: Lena's got more class in her little finger than you-!
[Grodd, wordlessly grunting, tries to charge at Superman, but Riddler and Captain Cold restrain him until he calms down.]
Grodd: I'm cool, I'm cool.
Lex Luthor: Silence, fools! It's over!