Johnny (narration): I'll never forget the first time I met Eagle Eye Smith. I was at the bar late one night when...
A blind man bursts in, knocking objects with his pool stick
Eagle Eye Smith: The Name's Eagle Eye! And I'm a champ! I challenge you three to a game of pool!
Johnny looks to see no one else at the pool table.
Johnny (narration): I was the only one near the pool table, that's when i realized that Eagle Eye was blind as a bat.
Eagle Eye Smith is about to hit an ashtray on a table as two customers get the beer out of the way.
Eagle Eye Smith: I'm gonna break this Puppy wide open!
Johnny (narration): I couldn't help feel sorry for Eagle Eye, so I picked up two pool balls and held them close to his ear.
Eagle Eye Smith knocks the ashtray off the table, and it shatters, as Johnny knocks the two balls to make a sound
Johnny: Good shot, Eagle Eye!
Eagle Eye Smith: Damn straight, fatass! Up stripes!
Johnny (narration): Eagle Eye hit a lot of balls that night!
Eagle Eye Smith injures two dudes in their groin with his stick, one behind him and one in front
Johnny (narration): And not any on the pool table.
Eagle Eye Smith: 8 ball! Corner pocket! I'm a champion!
Johnny raises Eagle Eye Smith's arm in a victory pose
Johnny (narration): And though he may not have won the game, he certainly won my heart.
Scenery changes, as Eagle Eye Smith tries to strike a baseball pitched by Johnny, only for him to knock one a player on the head as the ball lands on another guy's groin, Eagle Eye Smith runs in joy.
Johnny: Homerun, Eagle Eye!
Eagle Eye Smith: I'm a champion!
Eagle Eye Smith is now in a bowling alley, throwing the ball into another guy's gut who dropped his own ball, causing another dude to trip over it, as Johnny clashes two pins together to make a Strike sound.
Johnny: Strike, Eagle Eye!
Eagle Eye Smith: I'm A champion!"
Eagle Eye Smith is now sitting on a park's bench, dressed in winter clothes and with ski equipment.
Eagle Eye Smith: I Can't wait!
Johnny: Keep your ski tips up, we're almost at the top of the mountain!
Eagle Eye Smith: I'm gonna be a champion!
Johnny: OK, this is it!
Eagle Eye Smith jumps off the bench as if skiing, while Johnny tosses snow in a fan to simulate icy winds.
Eagle Eye Smith: These Alps are my bitch, Motherfucker!
Johnny and Eagle Eye Smith sit on a sofa.
Johnny: Eagle Eye, you're ok?
Eagle Eye Smith: Sometimes, Johnny, It's scary being blind...
Johnny: Well, Eagle Eye, no one else can see either. The sun went out years ago.
Eagle Eye Smith: Really? So we're all... champions?
Johnny: Yeah, we're all... champions."
Both sob and hug each other.
Johnny: I ain't gonna laugh at you.
Eagle Eye Smith: Alright don't get gay on me, fatso! I'm gonna show my girlfriend a good time!
Johnny: Have fun, Eagle Eye."
Eagle Eye Smith gets in the bedroom after colliding with the wall and hops on top of an inflatable sex doll.
Eagle Eye Smith: How ya like that, baby?
Johnny imitates the voice of a woman from underneath the bed.
Johnny (falseto): OH, Eagle Eye, you're so big!
Eagle Eye Smith: YOU KNOW IT, WOMAN!
Johnny: You're a champion, Eagle Eye!
Eagle Eye Smith: That's right, I'm a champion!"