Bailiff: Cat Court is now in session.
(Judge bangs gavel.)
Judge: We will now hear the case of Garfield Versus Heathcliff.
(Heathcliff enters the courtroom followed by Garfield carrying a suitcase. Both cats names are typed under them with the labels Plaintiff and Defendant.)
Heathcliff: I was in the funny papers five years before this lame knockoff!
Garfield: Judge, if I might, I'd like to present this affadavit.
(Opens suitcase to reveal a piece of lasagna.)
Garfield: Oop, sorry, Your Honor. I'm on a lasagna diet. I see lasagna, I eat it.
(Court appears unfazed by the joke.)
Heathcliff: Aww, that joke sucks! Even for you!
(Judge bangs gavel.)
Judge: Court agrees. That.. that joke sucked. Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are at a stand-still. There is only one fair way to settle this argument: CAT FIGHT!
(Garfield and Heathcliff appear in a gladiatorial arena with the cats from the court as spectators.)
Heathcliff: You want a piece of me? C'mon, fat boy!
Garfield: Come and get it, cat.
(Heathcliff then hisses loudly while jumping in the air and landing on top of Garfield opening out his eyelids.)
Heathcliff: Open your eyes all the way you lazy [Bleep]!
(Garfield unsheaths his claws and grabs Heathcliff off his back and throws him to the ground.)
Garfield: I'm gonna start calling you Monday, (Begins to slash Heathcliff's face.) cause I hate Mondays!
(Spectators begin to throw down things to the two cats to use. Heathcliff grabs a dead fish skeleton and trash can lid as a shield and sword while Garfield grabs... a plate of lasagna.)
Garfield: Oh, cruel irony.
(Heathcliff then smacks Garfield's face with the lid causing him to be a little dazed. Garfield then throws the lasagna at Heathcliff and grabs Nermal from the stands and uses him as a shield as Heathcliff slashes at him.)
Nermal: Ow! I'm dying! Aw! I'm so cute, and I'm dying!
(Heathcliff then smacks him out of Garfield's hand and out a window with a soft quiet scream.)
(Scene then changes to Garfield shoving Heathcliff's head into a litter box.)
Garfield: Eat it! Eat it! Die! Die!
(Court continues cheering until Judge bangs gavel ending the fight.)
Judge: Enough! We have a champion. The court rules in favor of Garfield.
(Garfield celebrates his victory as Heathcliff spits out some cat litter and seemingly faints with his head in the litter box. Garfield then begins to have a heart attack clutching his chest.)
Garfield: Heart attack from decades of only eating...
(Bailiff then shoots Garfield dead with his gun before he can finish his sentence.)
Bailiff: Uh.. I'm sorry. I just couldn't take another freaking lasagna joke.
(Scene then changes to John and Odie standing over Garfield's dead body.)
Jon: Oh, gods be praised! I'm free.. FREE!
(Scene then changes to Chester Cheetah standing in the plantiff stand with Timer standing opposite of him, despite what the announcer says.)
Announcer: Up next, Cat Court hears the assault case against Chester Cheetah.
Timer: He hankered for a hunk of my ass! Yahoo!