Transcription:Monchichis' First Blood

(Kyla and Patchitt are giggling as they toss and catch a ball with each other. At one point, while the ball is in mid-air, Wizzar magically appears and catches it.)

KYLA / PATCHITT: Wizzar!

WIZZAR: (laughs)

(The Grumplins are spying on the Monchichis from a bush)

HORGG: Oh, now I hate those Monchichis!

SCUMGOR: What are we gonna to do to 'em this time, boss?

SNOGS: We should hide their bananas.

SCUMGOR: We should put glue on the floor so they'll step in it.

HORGG: NO! No more penny ante bullshit! Turns out you can buy these almost anywhere! (takes out an assault rifle and cocks it)

SCUMGOR: Ooh-hoo-hoo, that's better than what I had!

(Cut to the Grumplins pointing their rifles at the Monchichis from behind, who have their hands in the air)

SNOGS: Ha-ha! We got you now, Monchichis!

KYLA: Now what, you evil jerks?

HORGG: You can go free...if you make it to the other SIDE!

PATCHITT: What's in the water?

HORGG: (chuckles evilly) You'll soon find out.

(Scumgor fires his rifle rapidly into the air)

PATCHITT: (whispering) Psst, Wizzar, use your magic!

WIZZAR: My magic's no match for getting shot through the back of the head, you little asshole! (laughs)

KYLA: Hey, where's Moncho?

(Cut to some bushes; the camera trucks into the bushes to reveal Moncho, in full Rambo gear, wielding a bow and arrow)

MONCHO: RRAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

(Moncho jumps out of the bushes and lauches his arrow, which flies into Snogs's eye and kills him)

HORGG: RUN AWAY! (he and Scumgor panic and run)

(Moncho has cornered Scumgor and is armed with another arrow)

SCUMGOR: I just wanted to put glue...!

(Moncho launches the arrow into Scumgor's neck, killing him)

HORGG: YOU MOTHERFUCKING MONCHICHI!

(Moncho launches several arrows into Horgg, who stumbles around)

HORGG: I taste...applesauce. Why does everything taste like...?

(Moncho launches one more arrow at Horgg, killing him)

PATCHITT: Well, let's walk out of here.

KYLA: He-he, you go first.

MONCHO: WAIT!

(Patchitt steps on a mine and gets blown up)

KYLA: Uh...okay. I guess that way is safe, then.

MONCHO: STOP!

(Kyla steps on a mine and gets blown up)

MONCHO: NOBODY MOVE!

(Tootoo, sucking her thumb, prepares to take a step)

MONCHO: WAIT!

(Tootoo steps on a mine and gets blown up)

MONCHO: STOP!

(Thumkii stumbles making monkey sounds before he steps on a mine and gets blown up)

MONCHO: OH GOD! OH GOD!

WIZZAR: (shakes nervously)

MONCHO: WIZZAR! I'M GONNA GET YOU OUT OF THERE, MAN!

WIZZAR: No! If I'm gonna die, it's going to be on MY TERM!

(Wizzar blasts himself in the head with his magic scepter, killing himself, and falls onto the mine field. His corpse gets blown up, and his disembodied arm and hat fall into Moncho's hands. Moncho drops them and shouts to the sky)

MONCHO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!!

(Cut to Moncho piloting a jungle cruise boat with three female Christian missionairies as passangers)

LADY: Hi. What's your name?

MONCHO: Moncho.

LADY: Thanks for taking us down the river. No one else would.

MONCHO: You want my advice? Go home.

LADY: But we're making the world a better place.

MONCHO: ...Fuck the world.