Transcription:The Wizard of Oz in Jail

Judge: You three drowned and melted a woman based on the color of her skin. In this court's eyes, that is a hate crime.

Cowardly Lion: It was-

(The Scarecrow and Tin Man put their hands over the Cowardly Lion's mouth)

The Scarecrow: Shut up, lion!

Cowardly Lion: I don't wanna go down for that bitch! She hadn't missen me most of all, is she?

Judge: The court finds you guilty of murder and sentences you to ten to fifteen years in a maximum security prison.

(The Cowardly Lion falls to the ground and faints)

The Scarecrow: But that ain't fair!

Tin Man: Who was our lawyer?

Flying Monkey: Sorry, boys. Good at flying. Bad at lawyering.

(The three enter the cell room with their bed sheets)

Inmate #1: Ooh yeah!

Inmate #2: I'm raping a robot tonight!

(The guard throws the Scarecrow into a cell which automatically shuts)

Guard: Got a new fish for ya, Simmons!

(The Scarecrow places his sheet on the top bunk)

Vernon Schillinger: That's my bunk.

The Scarecrow: Oh! I'm sorry! I'll move it down to-

Vernon Schillinger: That's taken too, silly straw.

The Scarecrow: Oh. Okay. Um, where do I-

Vernon Schillinger: I'll rent you that bunk up there, but the rent ain't cheap.

(The Scarecrow throws his bed sheets onto the top bunk)

The Scarecrow: That's be just swell.

Vernon Schillinger: Got an jelly or somekind of syrup or something?

The Scarecrow: Hmm? For what?

Vernon Schillinger: For eating my shit with. You want that bunk. You gotta toss my salad, prag. Or you could let me add some stuff into your muffin. Either way.

(The Cowardly Lion crys as he lays on the bottom bunk with Tin Man on the top)

Tin Man: Oh. Don't listen to them.

Cowardly Lion: They don't have to be so mean!

Tin Man: Come on, buddy. You've got courage now. We do a simple dime to fifteen.

Cowardly Lion: I guess you're right.

Tin Man: Of course I'm right. You'll see! It's gonna be fine!

(The Cowardly Lion wakes up the next morning to see that the Tin Man hung himself. He reads Tin Man's suicide note "I Just Don't Have The Heart T.M.)

Cowardly Lion: I just don't have the heart.

(The Cowardly Lion bangs on Tin Man's corpse until it swings back onto him and pushes him onto the toilet)

(The Scarecrow is seen big and buff before talking to Dorothy through the prison phone)

Dorothy Gale: Oh, Scarecrow. What has happened to you?

The Scarecrow: *chuckle* This place. This place happened to me.

Dorothy Gale: Is it that bad?

The Scarecrow: It ain't Kansas, sugarpop.

Dorothy Gale: Oh dear. Is there anything I can do?

The Scarecrow: Why don't you show me a little skin. Put em on the glass.

Dorothy Gale: Um? I'm sure I don't know-

The Scarecrow: Your tits! Your totos! Put em on the glass!

(Dororthy attempts to unbutton her shirt, but begins to wimper from being scared)

Dorothy Gale: No! I can't! I just can't! *cry*

(Dorothy runs away from The Scarecrow with toto)

The Scarecrow: Aunty Em raised a real bitch.

(The Scarecrow enters the Cowardly Lion's cell where he finds him decapitated on the top bunk)

The Scarecrow: Oh no! No! No! No! No! No! No!!! *cry*

(The Scarecrow is seen in the cafeteria where he is confronted by Vernon Schillinger and two other inmates)

Vernon Schillinger: I swear it's the truth. And I ain't lyin! (He means lion since he killed the Cowardly Lion) *laugh*

(The Scarecrow punches Vernon Schillinger in the face. He rams his tray into another's neck and then slams the tray into another inmate's face which leaves a dent in the tray)

The Scarecrow: Let's see what you're made of!

(The Scarecrow stuffs his hand into Vernon's stomach)