Transcription:Jedi Master George W.

[George W. Bush is getting a check-up.]
 * Doctor: Mr. President, your vitals all check out fine. There is just one thing; your midichlorian count is extrordinarily high.
 * Bush: Does that mean that I'm one of them - whata call 'em - Jedis? [thinks then uses the Force to pull down the doctor's pants] Heheheheheheh.

[Scene change to Bush and his wife in bed]
 * Laura Bush: Oh, not tonight, I'm tired honey...
 * Bush: [using Jedi mind trick] You're not tired, you wanna have a threesome!
 * Laura Bush: [eyes widen, under the influence of the mind trick] I'm not tired, I want to have a threesome!
 * Bush: [picks up telephone] Get me Condi! Heheheheh.

''[Scene change to a parking lot at McDonalds; Bush is about to park his limousine when Bill Clinton shows up in his sports car and takes his spot. Bush rolls down his window to see what's going on.]''
 * Clinton: Awww sorry "Dubyah", Big Mac attack! YEEEEEEEEHEEEEW! [Bush is angry and uses the Force to lift Clinton and his car and drop them in a nearby pond] Hey, what the dilly?!?
 * Bush: [parking his limo] Heheheheheheh!

[Scene change to Bush using his lightsaber to carve the words "W wuz hear" into the Lincoln Memorial]
 * Bush: Heheh, saber beats rock! [the statue starts to rumble; Bush gasps] What the hell?
 * [The statue lifts up to reveal Abraham Lincoln.]
 * Lincoln: Who dares disturb my slumber?
 * Bush: Who dares question my...daring...of...his dare?...Jerk!
 * Lincoln: It is I...I who freed the slaves...I who -
 * Bush: BORING! Let's fight! [Lincoln draws his lightsaber and they begin to fight, passing by the Washington Monument. Bush corners Lincoln.]
 * Lincoln: If you strike me down, I shall become - [Bush raises his lightsaber for the kill] NO WAIT A MINUTE, LET ME FINISH - [gets sliced and dies like Obi-Wan Kenobi in "A New Hope"] AHHHHH!
 * Bush: That'll teach you, George Washington!

''[Scene change to Cloud City where Darth Vader told Luke Skywalker he is his father in "The Empire Strikes Back". Bush is on the platform, while his daughter Jenna is on the catwalk thing Luke was on.]''
 * Bush: Jenna, get over here right now! I AM YOUR FATHER!
 * Jenna Bush: That's not true! That's impossible! [giving her father the finger] My real father would let me clubbing as late as I want!
 * Bush: [swings lightsaber] Why you little -- [cuts off Jenna's finger]
 * Jenna Bush: OWWWWW.
 * Bush: Oh no, baby...I'm sorry! [Jenna falls to her death] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Scene change to Bush asleep on his desk; he wakes up]
 * Bush: Wa- Was it all just a dream?
 * Senator: [rushes in] Mr. President, we still haven't found any weapons of mass destruction!
 * Bush: [tries to do a mind trick] You have found weapons of mass destruction.
 * Senator: Uhh...hi. We haven't.
 * Bush: [tries again] You have!
 * Senator: [sigh] I don't know what you're trying to do.
 * Bush: [angrily waving his hand] BRING ME A TACO!
 * Senator: Yes sir! [runs out of the office]
 * Bush: Heheheh, tacos rule!