Transcription:Bad Boy Meets Damaged Chick With Daddy Issues

{The Living Lohan Title card is shown}

Announcer: And now back to Living Lohan.

Dina Lohan: Ali, who drank all the f***ing orange juice?

Ali Lohan: I don't know mom, maybe the f***ing Orange Juice Fairy did it!

Dina: Don't get smart with me!

Ali: Well, don't you be a big ranting bitch face!

Both: I NEED A CIGARETTE!!

Dina: Augh! Why are all these cameras always invading my privacy?

{Gyro-Robo is playing next to a sprinkler in his yard with a broom}

Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Sorry, Cobra Commander, but your Weather Dominator, currently stuck on rain, apparently, is no match for the ninja skills of Snake Eyes! {Ali peers over the fence looking at Gyro-Robo} Oops, supposed to be me.

Ali: Ha, ha, ha, ha! What are you doing?

Daniel/Gyro-Robo: That is no concern of yours, civilian! Identify yourself at once! Preferably with a capable, shapeable file card.

Ali: My mom and I just moved into this crappy neighborhood to shoot our TV show, called Living Laaahh.

Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Aren't you a little young to be smoking?

Ali: Aren't you a little fat to be fat? Knock-knock. Who's there? You love food! {Ali jumps off the fence}

Daniel's Mother: Honey, were you talking to the new neighbor? I think their dog's been pooping in our yard.

Daniel/Gyro-Robo: What- aww, poop!

{Goes to Lindsey's kitchen}

Lindsey Lohan: Go to hell, mom! I told you! I'm not gonna be on your show! It's demeaning to my career. {makes "cut" sign to camera man} I'm gonna try that again with 10 percent more conviction. Or possibly, 1000 PERCENT!!! {doorbell rings} Who in god's green Smurf are you?

Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Madame, does it look like my name is Tripwire? Because as I am not the GI Joe minesweeper, I would appreciate it if your dog didn't leave chocolate land mines all over my yard!

Lindsey: Okay, nothing you said made any sense!

Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Don't let your dog go poopie!

Lindsey: Oh. OH!! {Flashback to one nighttime} Ha, ha, ha, ha! Dah, dah, dah, dum, dum! Ha, night dump! I'm just fermalizing the lawn, aah! {back to present} Bad dog! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

{At Daniel/Gyro-Robo's front lawn}

Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Firebolt! Firebolt!

Terrence: Freethyro! Freethyro!

Nerd: Ork, ork, ork! I'm an ork!

Daniel/Gyro-Robo: Terrence, I gotta say, I'm not buying this at all, so...

Lindsey: Beep, Beep! Honk, honk!