Transcription:Sawed by the Bell

[Static, the gang from Saved by the Bell are chained up in the torture chamber from "Saw".]

Zack: Where are we? Chained up next to Slater? This really is a torture chamber.

[laughter]

Slater: Hey, where's Screech?

Jigsaw: All in due time, children.

Slater: You jerkwad!

Kelly: What have you done with our friend?

Jigsaw: If you really want to know.

[A panel in the wall switches to show Screech hained up by his arms]

Screech: Look at me, I'm Jesus!

[laughter]

Lisa: In that case, god should demand a paternity test.

[laughter]

Jigsaw: Silence! In the center of the room, is a red button.Press it, and Samuel "Screech" Powers will be torn to pieces!

Audience: Boo!

Zack: Why the heck would we do that?

Jigsaw: Press the button, and I let the rest of you go free.

Audience: Boo!

Kelly: That's an impossible choice, you're sick!

Jigsaw: Sorry [chuckles] it's kind of my only hobby.

Zack: Wow, that is devious, kinda wish I thought of that!

[laughter]

Jigsaw: The game begins,now!

Slater: If we push the button, we all go free!

Kelly: Slater, don't even think about it!

Screech: Just press the button! You're my best buds, save yourselves!

Lisa: Aw, Screech!

Zack: Forget it, Screech, all for one and one for all!

[applause]

Jigsaw: Children, I forgot to mention something, if you press the button, you'll get fre Corvettes!

[Everyone starts fighting and pressing the button]

Zack: Nothing's happening! Why isn't he dead yet?

Screech: No!

Slater: Work damn it!

Jigsaw: Hang on, hang on stop hitting the button so hard! You're breaking it!

Kelly: Make it work!

Screech: I hate you guys! I can't believe I masturbated to Kelly and wanted to bang Lisa! You suck!

Slater: You, F*ck the button! Just give me a blunt object I'll beat him to death!

Jigsaw: Stop, stop. just, just stop. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Wait w-w-wait a minute.

[Jigsaw reveals himself to be Principal Belding]

Principal Belding: It's me! [laughs] Principal Belding! You're not really prisoners! This was just a trust exercise to help students learn to depend upon each other!

[Slater, Zack, Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa break out of their chains. Slater starts knocking Screech's head against the wall]

Screech: Ow stop,stop!

[Slater starts strangling Screech]

Zack: Just slit his throat!

Kelly: Use my nail file!

[blood splatters against the monitor]

Principal Belding: For the love of God!

[the school bell rings. Everyone is in detention.]

Principal Belding: Yes,Slater?

Slater: So, we really don't get Corvettes?

Principal Belding: No! Are there any other questions?

[Everyone starts raising their hands]

Kelly: Me, me, me ,me! Pick Me!

Principal Belding: Are there any questions not pertaining to Corvettes?

Everyone: Aw, man!

[Screech is shown bandaged up with a broken arm]

Screech: I f*ckin' hate you guys!