Transcription:Death Star Orientation

(Inside the Death Star, a large group of Imperial officers are seated around a large table. An Imperial commander is standing and talking, with a viewscreen behind him)

Imperial Commander: Welcome to orientation day here on the jolly old Death Star! Now, there are a few things we want to go over with you concerning Lord Vader.

(The viewscreen turns on, showing an image of Darth Vader Force-choking an officer)

Imperial Commander: First and foremost, he thinks he has the power to strangle us. Truth is, he doesn't. If he ever realized this, he would kill us with his lightsaber. Thus, to keep us safe, we all pretend to get strangled. Okay, let's try and practice. Commander Winston here will assist me.

(The viewscreen turns off, and Commander Winston walks up and stands next to the commander)

Imperial Commander: I'm going to hold out my hand like Lord Vader, and he will pretend to get strangled.

(The commander does a "Force-choke", and Commander Winston starts going through the motions of getting strangled)

Imperial Commander: Gasping for air...grabs throat, yes...eyes back and he's DOWN!

(Winston falls to the ground, apparently dead)

Imperial Commander: Good show, Commander!

(Two men enter, grab Winston, and pull him out of the room)

Imperial Commander: Now, two of the floor chiefs will retrieve the "corpse", redress him, add a mustache, and he's back to work as "Lieutenant Leopold"!

("Leopold" reenters and waves)

Imperial Commander: Vader has the satisfaction of killing someone, and we stay amongst the living! Why, "Private Perkins" over there has been strangled over 30 times! Haven't you, "Perkins"?

(The view shifts to an officer wearing "Groucho Marx" glasses, and a large, fake, beard)

Imperial Commander: Ha, ha, ha! Good man!