Transcription:Elf Training Video

Elf Instructor: Okay, I'm gonna go photocopy your driver's licenses while you guys watch this little video.

Elf TV Host: Welcome to Santa's Workshop! This isn't just the first day of your new job, it's the first day of your new career! Let's talk about Workers' Safety.

Elf TV Host: The raw materials used to make Christmas toys are processed below ground by a race of lizardmen called Garlons.

Elf TV Host: The Garlons will eat you. They LOVE to eat elves. On nine separate occasions last year, elves took a wrong turn and were eaten. So hang on to the map that comes with your welcome packet, huh?

Elf TV Host: Everyone wants to know about reindeer. They will eat you!

Elf TV Host: They eat elves like they're Funions. And they don't just eat you, they play reindeer games with you, and THEN THEY EAT YOU! So, find the reindeer pen on your map and stay away from it.

Elf TV Host: Crevasses. They are everywhere. Don't bother looking on your maps; we didn't put them in because they are EVERYWHERE. And we no longer attempt to rescue fallen elves. "Why?" you ask. Just watch...

Elf TV Host: And now we honor all the elves who were eaten last year...

Elf Instructor: OK, brought your IDs back, and some pi-

Elf Assistant: Santa's coming!

Elf TV Host: OK, it's time to talk about Santa Claus!