Transcription:The Bloody Future

(Several different TV shows are seen with a Vampire change to them)

Announcer: By the year 2013, do to an insasionable desire of audiences everywhere almost every television show involved vampires.

(A graph is shown and says that Non-Vampire shows get less attention)

Announcer: And the ones that didn't, failed miserably. Now, we offer you a glimpse of this very bloody future.

(A tall hospital building is seen as lightning occurs)

Nurse: This week on Vampire Medical.

(A patient with a gunshot wound in his chest is seen with two doctors and two nurses trying to save him)

Nurse: Gunshot wound. He's losing blood fast!

Vampire Medical Doctor: Let's get him a blood transfusion. Stat!

Nurse: We're all out of blood again, doctor.

Vampire Medical Doctor: Damnit! Who here keeps drinking all the blood?

(All three of the staff raise their hands)

Vampire Medical Doctor: Alright. We're probably gonna lose the man. Might as well get togethor and drink all of his blood.

(The four staff members increase their fangs and start eating through his stomach)

Patient: Aaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

(A game show is seen in development where the board says "I Want T_ Suck Y_ur Bl__d")

Contestant: Is it "I want to suck your dick"?

(The werewolf smacks himself knowing she's clearly stupid)

(A kid is seen being kidnapped by a sea creature)

Kid: Help!! Help me!!

Lifeguard #1: We've gotta save that kid.

Lifeguard #2: We can't! We'll be burned in the sunlight!

Lifeguard #3: I'm wearing Espiepa 100. I'll give it a shot!

(Lifeguard #3 steps away from the umbrella and stuggles to get to the kid)

(She begins to burn from the sun)

Lifeguard #3: Fuck! (Lifeguard #3 falls to the sand in ashes)

Baseball Commentator: It's a 3 and 2 to Eric Gheeter. Here's the pitch and it's a base hit straight to the middle, but Gheeter trips on his cape. So does Rodriguez. Artiez runs runs for the peg which should be an easy stubby trip on his cape! I bet the cape issue rears it's ugly head in Major League Baseball.

(All of the baseball players seem to trip over their capes and fall to the ground)

(Martha Stewart is seen in a kitchen making a dinner for TV viewers)

Martha Stewart: It's literally impossible to make good pasta without garlic. But since I'm a vampire or whatever, I don't use garlic because vampires don't use garlic and my producer said I need to be a vampire. This-This is ridiculous. Do I really need to be a vampire?

Producer: Yeah, Martha. It's a network rule. Sorry, yeah a vampire.

Martha Stewart: Fine, I'm a stupid vampire. (Martha holds up her arms and increases her fangs)

(The band of REO Speedwagon is seen togethor)

Announcer: Vampires are very big right now. Would you say REO Speedwagon are a lot like vampires? Ya know? cause you suck.

Neal Doughty: *sigh* Oh, great. Another ambush interview. *whistle* Hey! Bring the speedwagon around we're outta here!