Transcription:The Gift of the Magi

The sketch opens with the title card Gift of the Maji written in gold letters appears with a green backround. The scene cuts with Della Dillingham Young at a jewelers.

Della Dillingham Young: I'd like to buy a chain for my husband's watch.

Watch Salesman: Seventy-five dollars.

Della Dillingham Young: Oh, my! I can't afford that. Unless...

Cut to Della at a barbershop and taking a seat in a barber's chair.

Della Dillingham Young: I'd like to sell my hair, please.

The barber pulls out an electric razor and starts shaving Della's hair. Cut to James Dillingham Young at a hair salon.

James Dillingham Young: I'd like to buy some brushes for my wife's beautiful hair, please.

Brush Salesman: Seventy-five dollars.

James Dillingham Young: For brushes? What the f*ck? What, are they solid gold?!

James pulls out his watch.

James Dillingham Young: My watch is seventy-five bucks and it is a f*cking antique!

They both look at the watch and the brush salesman smiles. Cut back to the Dillingham's house and James is sitting in his chair smoking on his pipe. Della comes in bald as a jaybird.

James Dillingham Young: What the f*ck happened to you?

Della Dillingham Young: I wanted to buy you a chain for your watch; so I sold my hair to do it.

James gets up from the chair and approaches his wife.

James Dillingham Young: Holy sh*t! You look like you have cancer! Couldn't you have just let me keep my beautiful wife for Christmas?!

Della Dillingham Young: You don't like it?

James Dillingham Young: Well, here's where the irony kicks in: I wanted to get you hair brushes for Christmas; but the man said I had to sell my watch to afford them!

Della Dillingham Young: Oh, no! You sold your watch?

James Dillingham Young: F*ck, no! What, am I crazy?! For brushes?! I think the cat brush is just as f*cking good and that thing was a buck-fifty!

Della Dillingham Young: So, you didn't get me brushes?

James Dillingham Young: What, did they shave your ears too?! I said no, already!

Della Dillingham Young: Oh... Then what did you get me?

James Dillingham Young gives Della a handfull of laundry.

James Dillingham Young: Laundry! Now, go pop that sucker on!

James puts a Santa hat on Della's bald head.

James Dillingham Young: This, too!

Della drops the laundry.

Della Dillingham Young: Yeaahhh... I'm gonna go stay with my mom for awhile.

Sketch ends