Transcription:Whammy!

(A contestant named Ted is playing on the show Press Your Luck.)

Ted: All right, Big Money! Big Money! No Whammies! No whammies! And...stop!

(He presses the button and lands on a Whammy. A cartoon Whammy and a gravestone with Ted's name on it appear.)

Whammy: We are gathered here in remembrance of Ted, a total loser!

Ted: Heh heh. Oh, my own funeral. That's funny.

Whammy: Here's his obituary: born, sucked, died! He survived by his family -- and his chlamydia!

Ted: How do you even know I got chlamydia?

Whammy: Because I fucked your wife!

(Channel flip)