Transcription:Scientist Mad With Power

Leonard the scientist holds a press conference with a map of the solar system on his left with a white arrow and the words "NOT A PLANET!" on it.

Leonard: Honored scientists, distinguished colleagues, members of the Press. By the power vested in me, I hereby announce that Pluto is no longer a planet.

The audience gasps in horror.

Reporter: What?! You can't just change that!

Leonard: Well, I just did it-

Leonard jumps when he says "SUCKER!!"

Leonard moves away from the podium. The audience groans again.

Leonard: Also, "A" is no longer a vowel, north no longer a direction, and, oh, your sister? No longer a virgin.

Leonard jumps again and grabs his crotch when he says "HEY-OH!!" then leaves while laughing.

Reporter: Who actually gave him that power?

The Times newspaper rolls up and says "SCIENTIST MAD WITH POWER" with a dramatic sting. Another dramatic sting plays as the Spinning News comes up and says "HISTORY CHANGED FOREVER!" and a final dramatic sting plays when the Dizzy Times rolls up and says "MICKEY'S DOG EXECUTED!" Cut to Leonard making out with another girl and his wife scolds him.

Leonard's Wife: Leonard?! How could you?! Adultery is a sin!

Leonard: Not anymore it's not, sweetie!

Leonard gets out of bed in his underwear and makes hand and body motions while making more ridiculous theories.

Leonard: Plus, Nebraska's no longer a state! Fuji's no longer a mountain, and pie-

Leonard rolls back onto the bed.

Leonard: PIE no longer has carbs! Gotta fly!

Somersaults out the window. The Times newspaper comes up again with a dramatic sting with the article "FUTURE OF EARTH AT STAKE!" on it. Another dramatic sting plays as the Spinning News comes up again but says "MAD SCIENTIST A CLICHE!" A final dramatic sting plays as the Dizzy Times rolls up again but says "SKETCH COMING TO AN END!" Leonard has robbed a convenience store and carries a bag of chips, a six pack of soda and a sack of money while hopping around like a madman. The police aim their guns at him.

Cop #1: Stop! Or we'll shoot!

Leonard stops hopping.

Leonard: No you won't, because babies no longer grow up to be cowboys! Black guys are no longer longer! And bullets are no longer deadly! Give it to me!

The cops shoot Leonard and he dies.

Cop #1: So, I'm guessing he only had the power in theory.

Cop #2: Yeah, I'm guessing you're right.

The sketch ends.