Transcription:Hermey's Dentistry

[Cut to Hermey the Elf pulling a rotted tooth out of Bumble, the Abominable Snowman]

NARRATOR: And despite his elfin size, Hermey had bigger dreams.

HERMEY: I want to be a dentist!

[Transition to Hermey beside a dentist's chair holding a mirror in front of a patient who appears to have candy cane teeth. The patient punches Hermey, knocking the mirror out of his hand.]

PATIENT: Ah! You moron! You know nothing about dentistry!

HERMEY (quickly): I want to be a baker.

[Transition to Hermey standing behins a bakery counter. He hands a doughnut to a man standing next to him. He takes a bite then spits it out, revealing a green tinsel filling]

MAN: Ah! You idiot! This doughnut's filled with tinsel! You know nothing about baking!

[The man punches Hermey]

HERMEY: I-I want to be a millionaire.

[Cut to the Set of I Want to Be a Millionaire]

HERMEY: I'd have to say... D: Nutcracker. Final answer.

REGIS PHILBIN: A woman's reproductive organ is a nutcracker? You know nothing about genitalia!

[Regis Philbin slaps Hermey] [Cut to Hermey crawling through the snow. Then, cut to Hermey pleading in front of Santa Claus.]

HERMEY: C-Can I please come back, Santa? This is all I know!

SANTA CLAUS: You're always welcome here, Hermey.

[Santa presents his arm to Hermey, who kisses a ring on his finger, a la The Godfather. Then, cut to Hermey and another elf in a canoe, fishing. Then, cut to Santa Claus watching through his window. A gunshot, then splashing is heard. Santa looks downward. Then, cut back to the canoe, with only the hitman elf fishing. Then cut to Santa Claus lecturing other, shaking, nervous elves.]

SANTA: The point being, you are more than welcome to pursue outside interests. The choice is yours.

[Cut to static]