Transcription:Personal Bloopers

Bloopers Host: Are you ready for more of those hilarious bloopers? Well, unfortanutely, those hilarious clips have to be licensed which costs money. Which is in short supply since our CPA liquidated our assets in Blue Town to go feast on Thai school boys. So instead, here are some hilarious clips from my very own life!

(The Bloopers Host and his father are seen watching TV togethor in the living room)

Bloopers Host: Daddy, when I grow up I'm gonna marry that pretty singer. She's the prettiest girl I've ever seen!

(The Bloopers Host's dad begins whipping him with his belt)

Bloopers Host: No daddy! No!

Bloopers Host's Father: Her first name is Boyd, dillweed! You come back here! This is homo kripynite.

Bloopers Host: You might say my balls were scared straight. This next clip really made me the butt of the joke.

(The Bloopers Host is seen at a small bar in Mexico)

Bloopers Host: *cheering* This burrito is spicy! Nothin' beats Mexican tap water. That was probably a mistake.

(The Bloopers Host is seen farting and pooping in a bathroom on the toilet. His poop splatters across the walls)

Bloopers Host: My asshole is still fifty percent scarred tissue. Between Montezuma's revnege and Boy George it was gonna happen one way or another.

(The Bloopers Host and his friend are seen at a party)

Friend: Auhh. Come on, man. You gotta cash in that V card sometime. You're the only virgin I know, bro.

Bloopers Host: Yeah, but she's so...

Friend: It's starter pussy. You're workin with the Foo Jam. Promise.

(The Bloopers Host is seen in bed with a fat whore indicating they just had sex)

Bloopers Host: Ooohhh. Uhhh. Geez. Sorry. It was my first time.

Fat Girl: Yeah, you said that. I gotta really clapz. So...

Bloopers Host: Well, probably a little late to put this [condom] on, huh?

Fat Girl: You didn't put...Oh my god!

Fat Girl: And I'm pregnant.

Bloopers Host: How can you tell?

Bloopers Host: Well, that's all the time I have. Yep! Say goodbye to the Bloopers Host. You might say time is up. For my next trick, I'll need an assistant. Please welcome my pregnant thirteen year old daughter Stephanie. That's right! I was such a good parent, God is bumping me to grandparent status way ahead of schedule.

Stephanie: Dad, my ankles hurt. Please drive me home.

Bloopers Host: Just as soon as daddy commits Hairy Carry, honey. Now when I disembowl myself, you cut my head off with the cutsana.

Stephanie: *groan* I'll be in the car.

Bloopers Host: Stop mocking me!

(Fake audience laugh)

Bloopers Host: Stop mocking me! (Bloopers Host is ready to stab himself)

Stephanie: Dad!

Bloopers Host: Coming! (Walks towards parking lot with frustrated look)

(The screen then says Stephanie Miscarried before a helicopter flys by and shoots her stomach to say THE END)