Transcription:Worked to the Bone

[The Legion of Doom is holding a meeting, with Lex Luthor wrapping up a monologue.]

Lex Luthor: ... which will bump Eddie's plan to the end of March. But I don't think anyone loves Malcolm and the Riddle anyway! [Laughs] All in favor?

[The other Legion of Doom members all sigh/moan passively.]

Lex Luthor: All in favor? ... Okay, what's the problem?

Black Manta: You're working us to the bone, Luthor! We've butt-polished these seats into reflective surfaces! I pulled a chair out for Grodd the other day and got into a staring contest with his brown eye!

Scarecrow: Why don't we get vacations?

[Scarecrow and the other LoD members aside from Luthor begin chanting:]

LoD Members: Vacation! Vacation!

Lex Luthor: You idiots have plenty of time off: it's called prison!

[Starro, out of nowhere, jumps onto the table.]

Starro: Luthor is correct! I, Starro the Conqueror, require no vacation! Why, when I'm defeated by the Justice League, I'm back to business the next day! I was at the drawing board, not the shuffleboard!

[Captain Cold, annoyed, stands, picks up Starro, and walks offscreen with him.]

Starro: I, uh, hey, where are we going? Oh, you gotta take a leak? Oh, I want some-

[Captain Cold, still outside the camera's view, flushes Starro down the toilet, then comes back to his seat.]

Captain Cold: We're all on the same page, right guys?

Brainiac: You shouldn't flush those things. That's how New York got those giant alligators in the sewers.

Captain Cold: Ugh, that's just an urban legend!

[Killer Croc comes in from out of nowhere.]

Killer Croc: Oh, ya think so?

[Everyone sits awkwardly for a few seconds, not saying a word, as Killer Croc silently walks offscreen.]

Lex Luthor: Moving onto new business...

[Scarecrow's nephew, Calvin, walks in wearing an apron and carrying cups of coffee.]

Calvin: I got four mochas; two whip, two naked!

Lex Luthor: What? My daughter Lena is supposed to bring the coffee! Who the fuck are you?!

Scarecrow: Oh, that's my nephew Calvin. Isn't he great? Trying to help my sister out.

Calvin: I'm taking Lena's shift while she's on vacation with her boyfriend!

Grodd: Wow. Lena does what she wants!

[Luthor slaps the coffees out of Calvin's hands.]

Lex Luthor: No! This insubordination will not stand!

Scarecrow: Well, you heard him. Go. It's over. I tried but it didn't work out. It is what it is, okay? Tell Sis I love her. What? What're you looking at? Get the fuck outta here!

[Scarecrow pushes Calvin offscreen.]

Lex Luthor: Brainiac, tap into the grid! We'll cross-reference the database of every airline in the country until-

[Grodd's phone beeps. Grodd takes a look.]

Grodd: Oh, Lena's Instagram is blowin' up with vacay pics!

[Toyman looks at it over Grodd's shoulder.]

Toyman: Wow, that beach house looks amazing! Grodd, cross your legs. I can see your dick.

Lex Luthor: Lena thinks she can defy me? You all wanted a vacation? Well, the Legion of Doom is going to the beach!

[Luthor presses a button on his stand, causing a steering wheel to appear on it.]

Computer: Flight mode engaged!

Sinestro: What?

Lex Luthor: The Hall of Doom. It flies.

Catwoman: Meow, we've been commuting to the Okefinokee Swamp when we could've been anywhere else, meow?

Scarecrow: I wear fucking burlap, man! And the 20 pounds of swamp water it takes on every morning! I've got a case of trenchfoot that's marched halfway up my balls!

[Luthor grips the steering wheel.]

Lex Luthor: Buckle up!

[Meanwhile, right outside the Hall of Doom, the Swamp Thing is communicating with the swamp's flora and fauna.]

Swamp Thing: This bastion of evil upsets the delicate balance of The Green. You were right to summon me, the Swamp Thing, for I am your protector.

[The Hall of Doom's rockets ignite behind him.]

Swamp Thing: Do you smell gasoline? Shit, shit! This thing's taking off!

[Swamp Thing begins shoving the swamp animals out of his way so he can escape.]

Swamp Thing: Run, get the fuck outta my way!

[Swamp thing treis to run away, but it is too late. The Hall of Doom takes flight and its rocket thrusters burn him to a crisp as he screams. The image of Swamp Thing being engulfed in flames then appears on the cover of a comic book.]

Announcer: The Death of Swamp Thing: the most shocking comic book of the year! Now on sale!