Transcription:Fast Cash Now

Gary Coleman: (sitting behind a desk, talking to the camera) Hi, I'm Gary Coleman, and when I need $150 fast to get my power turned back on, I use Fast Cash Now.

Director: And cut! Great job, Gary.

Gary: Thanks. Speaking of cash, when do I get my paycheck for this gig?

Director: Paycheck? (walks up to the desk) Oh, sure. Here you go. (pulls Gary's paycheck out of his jacket and holds it up high, as Gary tries to grab it unsuccessfully) Take it. Just take it. Just take it, Gary. Just jump. (Gary starts jumping, but still has no luck) There you go. Just jump. Just get it. Come on. Get it. You can get it. (Gary stops) You can get it.

[Scene change to Gary in his old beat-up Jalopy at a traffic junction, as Emmanuel Lewis pulls up beside him in a fancy Porsche with three women.]

Emmanuel Lewis: Yo, Coleman, check out the new ride.

Gary: (sighs) Hi, Emmanuel.

Emmanuel: No no, I go by Many-Mo these days, as in "I don't know how many-mo hot bitches I could possibly fit into my new Porsche, bitch!" Later, 'tard! (drives off laughing once the light hits green, leaving Gary in the dust)

[Scene change, as Gary enters the nursing home to visit Conrad Bain, who is painting a picture.]

Conrad Bain: Oh, Gary, my boy. What brings you to the old nursing home?

Gary: Hi, Conrad. I'm having one hell of a crappy day.

Conrad: (lifts Gary up on his knee) Well, this should cheer you up.

Gary: (sees that the painting is of himself lying naked in a field of roses) Oh, my God.

Conrad: That reminds me, I got you a gift. (gives Gary a leprechaun outfit with matching hat)

Gary: A leprechaun outfit?

Conrad: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try it on. It's ass-less. (Gary reacts)

''[Scene change to an angry Gary walking down the street. A football field is seen in the background.]''

Gary: I can't believe they towed my car! This day just gets worse and worse. (a football player shows up from out of nowhere and kicks Gary into the air, and Gary is killed when he lands on one of the bleachers in the football field, as a referee blows his whistle)

[Gary arrives at Heaven's Gates in an angel's robe with wings, but no halo.]

God: (voiceover) Gary, you haven't yet earned your halo. I'm going to send you back to Earth until you get it right.

Gary: What's my first assignment?

[Gary finds himself back in the nursing home, and wearing the leprechaun outfit, as Conrad sits in his wheelchair.]

Conrad: (surprised gasp) Oh, my prayers have been answered! (cracks a whip on Gary) Now, dance! (Gary starts doing the Riverdance)