Transcription:Omaha's Number 1 News Team

The segment begins with the opening titles for Omaha's Number 1 News Team, and goes directly to the main anchor in a news studio.

SKIP KAZUROWSKI: Good evening Omaha, and Oma-how are you? It's flu season. Ross Hathoway has the story.

The scene goes to a doctor's office, and people are lined up, hoping for a chance at a flu shot. The camera slowly pans to the right, showing the length of the line as ROSS speaks.

Voice of ROSS HATHOWAY: Flu season means trips to the pharmacy, missed work, and kids coming home with crusy shirt sleeves, but surprisingly, giant robots are the hardest hit.

The scene cuts to a city background. The Red Ranger stands in the foreground, speaking to the camera.

RED RANGER: The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers offer great health insurance, but even a Ranger can get the flu and call in sick.

The scene cuts to a fight, assumedly in Angel Grove, between a giant crab monster and a Megazord. It flails around, assumedly because one of the Rangers is missing, and ends up falling over and subsequently being destroyed by the crab monster.

Voice of RED RANGER: Ah, being a Zord now really leaves the Rangers in a bad way.

The camera cuts to a scene depicting the Castle of Lions. Voltron makes his way towards it, but succumbs to a detatched limb.

Voice of ROSS HATHOWAY: Also affected was Voltron...

The camera cuts to a beach scene where the Decepticon Devestator, lies helplessly on the beach. Optimus Prime runs up to and kicks him, sending him all the way into the background.

Voice of ROSS HATHOWAY: ...and the menacing Devestator.

The camera cuts back to the newsroom.

SKIP: We now take you to our eye-in-the-sky for today's live car chase.

The camera cuts to a scene not unlike that of the typical gameplay of the video game Spy Hunter. Several police cars chase a white sports car which swerves slightly to the left and right. As the two police cars begin to catch the sports car, it sprays smoke from the exhaust pipe. The two police cars collide and fly to opposite sides offscreen.

HELICOPTER PILOT: Officers are in pursuit of a white sports car, which failed to yield for a routine traffic stop. Good lord! The sports car now appears to be on fire...no...it's a smokescreen! Woah! I've never seen anything like this!

The camera cuts back to the newsroom.

SKIP: More later as the story develops. Now, shocking ameteur news footage acquired by this program so that we may shock you with it!

The camera cuts to a dark alleyway, where a robbery is in progress. A ROBBER, dressed in the classic black robber attire, struggles to snatch a purse from a blonde-haired WOMAN.

ROBBER: Gimme that!

WOMAN: Noooo! Help! Police!

From the right, classic cartoon character UNERDOG leaps into the scene.

UNDERDOG: There's no need to fear, Underdog is here!

The WOMAN and ROBBER suddenly clamor after hearing UNDERDOG.

ROBBER: Holy f*** s***! You're a talking dog!!

WOMAN: (indistinguishable)

Three more people appear on the scene; a well dressed man, a young boy, and another man.

WELL-DRESSED GENTLEMAN: A...a talking dog? Really?

YOUNG BOY: Great ass-****ing Moses!

OTHER GENTLEMAN: Can you speak? Can you say something, doggie?

The camera pans back to UNDERDOG, who gives his onlookers a disdainful look.

UNDERDOG: Uh...kay. Th- there's no need to fea-

UNDERDOG is interrupted by the various interjections of the crowd.

YOUNG BOY: It's a ****ing talking dog!

Tiring of this, UNDERDOG flies away to more amazed chatter among the crowd.

MALE VOICE: And it flies!

The camera goes back to the newsroom.

SKIP: And now the weather with chief meteorologist Paris Hilton.

Quick cut to weatherboard with Paris Hilton at its side and the Central United States written over with HOT.

PARIS HILTON: It's hot.

Quick cut back to SKIP.

SKIP: My ear is saying something to me, there's new developments in that freeway police chase!

Cut back to police chase.

PILOT: The sports car is now tailgating a semi truck. Hoooooly...he's apparently got himself an accomplice, but...wait a minute, there he is...he's back on the road.

The sports car slides into the semi truck and comes back out, again driving. He narrowly avoids a black car. A helicopter comes in from the lower right hand side and hovers in front of the sports car. A missle comes from the front of the car and blows up the helicopter.

PILOT: Oh my God!! He just destroyed that helicopter with...some sort of...ground-to-air missile.

Cut back to newsroom.

SKIP: Apparently, that was the traffic helicopter from out associates at Channel Five. Our hearts go out to their entire news team. Once lovable, the Shirt Tales are causing controversy at the local zoo with their new t-shirts.

The scene cuts to a zoo where the Shirt Tales characters are engaged in various activities with t-shirts outside of their typical wear.

TYG TIGER: (wearing a t-shirt with the slogan 'Tigga Please')

[If someone else wants to complete this, go right ahead. I might get back to it later.]