Transcription:Huggytime Bears

(Man is walking past several archery targets)

Doug: Man, my life sucks. I hate working at the stupid archery range.

(As he says the last word he is impaled through the head by a stray arrow, and collapses.)

(Doug wakes up, surrounded by a completely white background.)

Doug: Uhh...wha-where am I?

Buddha: You're in Purgatory, Doug. Spin the Wheel of Reincarnation.

Doug: Oh, boy! I hope I land on Keira Knightley's underwhere!

(Doug spins the wheel.)

Buddah: (Sighs) Everyone wishes for that.

(The wheel spins to a stop, and for a moment appears to land on 'Keira Knightley's Underwear', before settling upon 'Huggytime Bear'.

Doug: Huggytime Bear?

(Doug disappears from Purgatory and reappears in a field as a Huggytime Bear.)

Doug: Where am I?

Doug: Holy f***ing asscrackers!

Pink Bear with Triangle On Chest: Welcome! We're the Huggytime Bears, and we shall call you...Dougalot Bear!

Doug: What the f*** is a Huggytime Bear?

Pink Bear: We spread peace and love with our special powers! (Bears start laughing)

Doug: Ah, f***.

(Doug and the Huggytime Bears are walking.)

Green Bear: Let's go spread joy to children!

Doug: Oh, man! I wish I landed on 'Keira Knightley's Underwear'!

Pink Bear: Uh, please don't mention that around the children.

(Two boys are sitting in a forest.)

Boy 1: I feel sad.

Boy 2: Yeah, but at least we're not gay.

(The boys are revealed to be sitting on one side of a campfire, with the Huggytime Bears on the other side.)

Pink Bear: Maybe we can help!

Boys: (in unison) The Huggytime Bears!

Green Bear: Get ready for some fun and love everyon-

(Doug pushes the bear into the campfire, where he proceeds to burn to death while shrieking in pain. The other two bears turn and glare at Doug.)

Doug: What? His name was Shamrock Bear. He was obviously Irish, and therefore drunk. Am I right, or am I right?

Pink Bear: This is unforgivable.

Pink Bear with Heart: Bring out the Gimp.

(A black bear with a whip crashes out of the forest into the campsite.)

Doug: (restrained by the other two bears) No-noo!

(Doug is back at the archery range, lying on the ground, with the arrow stuck through his head, still screaming.)

Doug: Nooo!!

(Keira Knightley walks into view and kneels down next to Doug.)

Keira Knightley: Oh my gosh, I've shot you.

Doug: Keira Knightley?

Keira Knightley: Shh, don't worry about a thing. The paramedics will be here soon.

Doug: (chuckles) I was almost your underwear, you know.