Transcription:Luke Learns the Truth

Cut to the scene where Vader reveals the truth to Luke in Empire Strikes Back.

Darth Vader: Turn to the dark side, and join me.

Luke Skywalker: I'll never join you! You killed my father!

Vader: No, Luke. I am your father.

Luke: That's not true! That's impossible!

Vader: And Princess Leah is your sister.

Luke: That's not true! That's...improbable.

Vader: And the Empire will be defeated by Ewoks!

Luke: That's...chk...very unlikely.

Vader: And as a child, I built C3-PO!

Luke: Huh?

(Vader is sipping tea and Luke is smoking a cigarette)

Vader: And the force? Well, that's just microscopic bacteria in your bloodstream called midi-chlorians.

Luke: Look, if you're not going to take this seriously, I'm out. (walks away safely)