Transcription:The Real World: Metropolis

(Cut to a picture of Superman with the text "SUPERMAN")

SUPERMAN: This is the true story...

(Cut to Superman lifting weights without a shirt, then a picture of Aquaman with the text "AQUAMAN")

AQUAMAN: Of seven strangers...

(Cut to Aquaman feeding fish in an aquarium, then a picture of the Hulk with the text "HULK")

HULK: Picked to live in house...

(Cut to the Hulk poking roadkill on the side of a street, then a picture of Wonder Woman with the text "WONDER WOMAN")

WONDER WOMAN: And have their lives taped...

(Cut to Wonder Woman kicking a washing machine door shut, then a picture of the Falcon with the text "FALCON")

FALCON: To find out what happens when people stop being polite...

(Cut to the Falcon dancing in a club, then a picture of Batman with the text "BATMAN")

BATMAN: And start getting real.

(Cut to Batman drinking in a bar, then a picture of Catwoman with the text "CATWOMAN")

CATWOMAN: The Real World: Metropolis.

(Cut to Catwoman on a couch with Thor and another superhero, then a screen with the text "THE REAL WORLD METROPOLIS", then Wonder Woman sitting on a chair)

WONDER WOMAN: Ugh! People in this hell hole just don't respect personal property.

(Cut to Wonder Woman and Catwoman standing up while the rest of the cast are sitting down. Catwoman is holding up a pair of Hello Kitty underwear.)

CATWOMAN: Listen, I know someone's been in my underwear drawer.

WONDER WOMAN: OK, which one of you perverts was it? Because it's sick.

FALCON: You chicks are seriously paranoid.

CATWOMAN: I fold them in a very particular way, Falcon--in little squares.

WONDER WOMAN: It was probably you.

(Wonder Woman points to the Hulk)

HULK: Aah! It not Hulk! Hulk swear!

SUPERMAN: Of course it was the Hulk.

HULK: Aah!

(Cut to Superman on the chair that Wonder Woman was on.)

SUPERMAN: It was me. Hello, Kitty! Raow!

(Cut to Superman and Aquaman in the kitchen)

AQUAMAN: Listen, uh, I don't mean to be nitpicky or anything but, um, the living room hasn't been vacuumed in weeks and--

SUPERMAN: Hey, Waterman, I was busy, you know, realigning the planet or something.

AQUAMAN: But you drew vacuuming out of the job jar and everyone else--

SUPERMAN: Face it. Who's gonna save Earth from a giant meteor while Superman's vacuuming? You? I don't think so.

AQUAMAN: I could. Hey!

(Cut to Aquaman on the chair)

AQUAMAN: Nobody seems to understand how useful I am, you know? I'm--I'm really capable. I can do lots of stuff, you know? Lots! I can do stuff like, um--like--like, I can--You know, I, uh, (sobbing)

(Cut to Batman and Wonder Woman sitting on the couch, watching TV as Catwoman walks in. Batman blocks the exta seat on the couch, and Catwoman walks away angry. Batman & Wonder Woman both laugh afterwards. Cut to Catwoman on the chair.)

CATWOMAN: They still haven't forgiven me for that stupid party.

(Cut to Catwoman dancing topless on a table, swinging her shirt around)

CATWOMAN: Whoo! Come on baby! Who wants to pet this [BLEEP]?

(Catwoman belches and falls off the table. Cut back to Catwoman on the chair.)

CATWOMAN: I mean, what is this place, some kind of nun factory? I just-- (belches, then giggles)

(Cut to Hulk banging on the bathroom door)

HULK: Got to go! Got to go! Aah!

AQUAMAN: Hey, uh, occupied. Occupied! Hey!

(Cut to the rest of the cast sitting on the couch watching Press Your Luck and staring at Aquaman, then back to Aquaman)

AQUAMAN: Hey. What's up?

(Cut to Batman and Robin playing checkers. After awhile, the Falcon comes in.)

BATMAN: Justice never sleeps.

ROBIN: Oh, man I wanna be red. I hate black.

FALCON: Oh, it's like that?

(Cut to the Falcon on the chair)

FALCON: So Im the token black superhero, huh? Well, they might've wanted Tim Meadows, but they got the Falcon, and you damn well better respect the Falcon. Of course, I don't really have any superpowers. Man, my costume sucks.

(Cut to Aquaman feeding fish in an aquarium)

AQUAMAN: Come and get it, little guys. Hello? I know you can hear me. I'm Aquaman.

SUPERMAN: Trouble at home?

(Aquaman shakes the tank)

AQUAMAN: Answer me, you little bitches!

(Cut to Batman sitting in his room with the other cast members standing around him)

WONDER WOMAN: If you leave your towels on the bathroom floor, we start getting that mildew smell.

CATWOMAN: It's gross!

WONDER WOMAN: Have a little common courtesy for the rest of us.

BATMAN: The bat signal.

AQUAMAN: Huh. I wonder where he's always going in such a hurry.

(Cut to Batman drinking at a bar, then Hulk standing on a stool peeing on some plates in the sink.)

WONDER WOMAN: My good plates!

HULK: Dishes done.

(Cut to Hulk sitting on the chair)

HULK: Despite my best efforts, fitting in here continues to be quite a chore. It confounds me.

(Cut back to the kitchen)

WONDER WOMAN: On my plates. My good china plates.

BATMAN: Relax, Wondergirl.

WONDER WOMAN: What did you just call me?

BATMAN: I--I am the night!

(Cut to Wonder Woman on the chair)

WONDER WOMAN: Wondergirl? Huh. Wondergirl. Let me tell you sonething about Batman, OK? He's the same as the rest of these guys around here. They're afraid of women. They're afraid of the almighty uterus. Almighty uterus!

(Cut to the outside of the apartment)

HULK: Next time on Real World...

(Cut to Wonder Woman and Catwoman in Catwoman's room)

WONDER WOMAN: I don't see why you're so upset. What do you need men for anyway, huh? How about a smile? There you go.

(Cut to Aquaman with a bomb strapped to his chest.)

AQUAMAN: I'll do it. I'll do it, man. I'll totally do it.

SUPERMAN: You won't do it.

(Cut to Batman opening the closet. Robin is dressed up like a cowboy with wires on his nipples. Gleek is standing next to him. Then, cut to the cast playing poker.)

HULK: Yahtzee!

WONDER WOMAN: That's it!

(Wonder Woman attacks the Hulk, while Batman punches Catwoman and kicks her chair over, and Superman melts Aquaman's face off. Then, cut to static.)