Transcription:The Six Million Peso Man

CAPTION: PABLO RODRIGUEZ - TEST PILOT

''{Film footage of a Mexican man riding a donkey. The donkey runs into a cactus, and the rider falls off.}''

NARRATOR: Pablo Rodriguez, test pilot. A Mexican, barely alive.

''{Two surgeons wheel the Mexican into an operating theatre. Computer readout text fills the screen.}''

DYSTOLIC  =   -257 HYPERBOLIC =  +319 BUCOLIC = +20 S3XY.M.F. = J3N ST1LLW3LL GOLD STANDARD = SHANNON GOLD P.W. = GARRET ELKINS ELECTRIC BUGALOO = SHAUN P. IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU ARE TOO CLOSE = CRAPPY BUMPER STICKER ROBOT CHICKEN HEARTS YOU FOR PAYING ATTENTION TO DETAILS

NARRATOR: Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology.

''{The surgeons begin their work on the unconscious Mexican. They examine some x-rays. More computer readout text.}''

ACIDS = -257 BASES = +319 THE PUPPET DEPT. IS THE LAND OF CUTE GIRLS MATT HAS COOL TOYS FASOLO IS THE MAN OF THE PEOPLE BUT TOM ROOT IS MY HERO CLASSIFIED

NARRATOR: We have the capability to build the world's first bionic Mexican.

''{A large machine is placed over the Mexican. One of the surgeons holds up a bionic eyeball. An x-ray of his skull is shown, with more computer readout text.}''

BUENO: ANISSA FORSEY BP 160/90 HR 97 NINJA MASTER: JEFF GIBERSTEIN

SURGEONITA: KIM DAVIS BP 160/90 HR 97 NNNRREEOW: GEOFF JOHNS

NARRATOR: Better than he was before.

{The Mexican's eyes snap open.}

NARRATOR: Stronger.

{The Mexican bends a steel pipe, then snaps a taco.}

NARRATOR: Faster.

{The Mexican does the Mexican hat dance so fast, he is just a blur.}

CAPTION: THE SIX MILLION PESO MAN

{The Six Million Peso Man stands in a desert with a scientist and some government officials.}

OFFICIAL 1: Six Million Peso Man, your country needs you. Are you ready for your mission?

''{The Six Million Peso Man turns and runs in slow motion, then jumps over the fence of the U.S. border. He speeds over the mountains and out of sight.}''

OFFICIAL 2: There's 283 American dollars we won't see again.