Transcription:The Chronicles of Nerd: The Lion, the Witch and the Locker

Bully: Blam!

(Bully trips nerd in hallway which makes his books fall to the ground)

Nerd: My studies!

(Bully grabs the Nerd's underwear and pulls out, giving him a wedgie)

Nerd: These are brand new.

(Bully shoves the Nerd into his locker and closes it, locking him in)

Bully: Blam! Ha! That's for, uhh, Ha! Nerd!

(Nerd falls back into a winter wonderland where he lands on his face in the snow)

Nerd: My goodness! I've fallen into a strange and magical land.

(Nerd bends down to pick up wood where Mr. Tumnus is seen behind him)

Nerd: Well, you're no excaliber, but then again I'm no King Arthur!

Mr. Tumnus: Hello there, stranger. I'm Mr.-

(Mr. Tumnus is beaten to death by the Nerd)

Nerd: *scream* M-M-M-M-Monster! *scream* Monster! *cry* Monster, die! *deep breath*

Nerd: Wow. I killed that creature. I'm a hero! Good job, Excaliber 2! But I'm freezing.

(Jadis the White Witch is seen stroding by on her reindeer in a carrige)

Jadis - I, the White Witch, have sensed a new bor- Holy Shit!

(Nerd is seen warming hemself from a fire partially created by Mr. Tumnus's body)

Nerd: My queen.

Jadis - Oh. Uh, care to come to my castle and enjoy some turkish delight?

Nerd: Ooh, boy. My first sexual experience without a computer!

Jadis - Turkish delight is a candy.

Nerd: Ooh, boy. Candy!

Jadis: And now, my champion, we will defeat my enemy...The talking lion.

Nerd: What? The talking lion *fart noise* You mean there's no dragons or ballrocks or even ring-rings?

Jadis - No. Just a talking lion, who's now the coury for Jesus.

Nerd: Well, I don't know. Even a talking lion sounds pretty scary. I'm not all that-

(Jadis pulls down her shirt to reveal her boobs to the Nerd)

Nerd: Your wish is my command.

(The nerd is seen on a unicorn holding a sword)

Nerd: Woo-hoo-hoo! This is the best Larpse ever!

Unicorn: Later, I'll show you how to cross sards!

Santa Claus: And now young children, may these guide you through your journeys.

Boy - Why is Santa Claus giving us lethal weapons?

Nerd: Hee-hee-hee! Look at me! I'm on a horse!

Santa: There he is, children. Kill him!

(Girl accidentally shoots Santa in the back of the neck with her arrow. The two quickly leave)

Nerd: Eat your hearts out Worlds of Warcraft!

Talking Lion: *groan* This is why kids should read good Christian fantasies instead of Harry Potter.

Centaur: You seen that play with Daniel Radcliff's penis?

Talking Lion: What kind of question is that to ask the Jesus aligory lion? But yes.

Nerd: Woo-hoo!

(The talking lion is decapitated by the Nerd who uses a sword)

Nerd: Three-hundered experience points for me! Great job, excaliber three!

Bully: I'm bored. Where'd I leave that nerd?

(Bully opens a locker to reveal Daniel another nerd)

Daniel: *deep breaths* Thank you, sir Spirititous.

Bully: Not that nerd!

(Bully hears horse feet coming towards him)

Bully: What the?

Nerd: *scream*

(Nerd decapitates Bully with his sword after he comes out of the locker on his horse)

Prinicipal: You're both in big trouble!

Nerd: It was worth it, my queen.

Principal: I hope you know this will come down on your permanet record!

Horse: You can't tell my parents!

Principal: Do you even go to this school?

Horse: Do you?