Transcription:Bionic Six

BIONIC-1: Family, after nearly killing you on a ski trip to the Himalayas, I saved our lives by giving each of you bionic implants. Let's use these cool, new powers as...the Bionic Six!

(children cheer)

MOTHER-1: Uh, hun, maybe we should be thankful we're alive and not...

ANNOUNCER: BIONIC SIX!

IQ: Open wide!

ROCK-1: You just got eighty-Bionic-Sixed!

SPORTS-1: (bat cracking) Dad, turns out hitting homers isn't a superpower--AAH! (gets riddled with bullets)

ANNOUNCER: BIONIC FIVE!

MOTHER-1: Eric?!

BIONIC-1: Uh, his codename is Sports-1.

MOTHER-1: He was our son, and now he's dead! You a**hole! We're getting a divorce.

ANNOUNCER: BIONIC FOUR!

KARATE-1: WAA-- (also gets riddled with bullets)

ANNOUNCER: BIONIC THREE!

IQ: You killed my brother! (crushes Rock-1)

ANNOUNCER: BIONIC TWO!

IQ: (crying) We never had any training... (crushes himself)

ANNOUNCER: BIONIC ONE!

BIONIC-1: Only now do I see that bionics solve nothing...GUH! (gets riddled with bullets)

ANNOUNCER: I AM OUT OF WORK!