Transcription:Captain Planet

Turner Corporate Board Room Corporate Lackey #1: Pan-Global Oil keeps dumping sludge into the Atlantic Ocean! Ted Turner: That burns my ass! Corporate Lackey #2: Forget it, Ted. There's nothing you can do. Ted Turner: Maybe I can't. But Captain Planet can! Corporate Lackey #3: (makes "crazy" hand gesture)

Ted Turner's Bathroom Ted smears blue war-paint on himself Ted Turner: Captain Planet! ...footsteps... ...(Corporate Lackey walks in, and walks right back out)

Turner Lobby Ted Turner: Captain Planet! Secretary #2: Oh!

City, Exterior Ted Turner: Captain Planet!

City Street (Man throws can into trash, instead of recycling) Ted Turner runs by dressed as Captain Planet, then runs back and kicks man. Ted Turner: Captain Planet!

Pan-Global Corporation Corporate Man #1: Where are we gonna dump our sludge next? Corporate Man #2: The Grand Canyon could hold a lotta sludge. Corporate Man #1: Oh, it sure could. Corporate Man #2: Yeah, let's sludge the hell out of the Grand Canyon. Corporate Man #1: Yeah.... Hey, is that Ted Turner? Corporate Man #2: I think it is! What the hell's he doing? Corporate Man #1: I dunno, he's on one of those Zip-Lines. Corporate Man #2: Oh yeah, is that what they're called? Zip-Lines? Corporate Man #1: Yeah, Zip-Lines. Corporate Man #2: Oh, I always thought... (Ted Turner smashes through window) Ted Turner: Captain Planet! Corporate Man #2: You got glass in my eye! Ted Turner: And my foot in your balls! Captain Planet! (Kicks man in balls) Captain Planet grabs man by neck and holds him precariously out the window Corporate Man #2: What do you want, Mr. Turner?! Ted Turner: Just sign this pledge not to dump any more sludge and I'll let you go! Corporate Man #2: Okay! Okay! (Signs pledge) Ted Turner: (Looks at paperwork) This appears to be in order... (Drops man out skyscraper window) Captain Planet!! Corporate Man #2: Ahhhhhhh! (Lands in recycling dumpster, and blood trickles out the bottom).

Fade Out Ted Turner: Protect the environment! Or I'll *bleeped* kill you! Captain Planet!