Transcription:It's The Law, Asshole!


 * Barfly: You know, like the rest of the world, soccer is called "football". [Two police officials attack the barfly] Hey! Hey-- Ow! Ow! What's goin' on? Why are you touching--?


 * Announcer: Hello, there. What you've just seen was a dramatization of the new Asshole laws enacted by Congress, which going to effect January 1st. It's now a federal offense to point out that soccer is actually called football.


 * Nerd: Uh, in fact, no Star Trek episode contains the words, "Beam me up, Scotty." Agh! Ow, ow, my arm! My-- argh! Ow! Ow-how! [It's the law, asshole!]


 * Civilian: You know, Iceland is actually green, and Greenland is actually icy. Argh! Agh, agh-ha! Oh, help me, help me, help, me, help! [It's the law, asshole!]


 * Worker: Heroes is way better, because it actually answers stuff. On Lost, they don't even know what they're doing. Oof! What are you doing? No, wait! Ooh, ugh, ooh, agh, oof, ugh! [It's the law, asshole!]