Transcription:Santa vs. Superman

Boy #1: Santa's so fast, he delivers presents to the whole wide world in one night.

Boy #2: Superman is faster. He circled the planet and made us all forget about that earthquake that killed Lois Lane.

Boy #1: What earthquake?

Boy #2: Exactly, bitch.

Superman: Kids! Kids! Take it easy.

Boys: Superman!

Superman: It's not important who's fastest.

Boy #1: Spoken like a true puss.

Superman: What did you fucking say? I would whip Santa's fatass! Is that what you wanna hear, you little fucking turd? You come at me. You come at me like a fucking man!

(Superman flys up into the air before knocking Boy #1's coffee out of his hand)

Boy #2: I've got to blog about the shit that just went down right here!

Santa Claus: Ol' Supes thinks he's the fastest, aye?

Elf: So, who is the fastest, Santa?

Santa Claus: *laugh* That's not important.

Elf: Spoken like a true puss.

(Santa knocks the Elf's coke out of his hand before meeting Superman at the top of the Earth)

Santa Claus: We doing this, blue balls?

Superman: You got that right, Saint Dick!

(Santa Claus and Superman are seen ready to raise around the world)

Superman: Hey! No fair using reindeer!

Santa Claus: Oh, okay. No fair using our yellow sun then, you fucking alien!

(An Elf shoots a gun where Superman and Santa race)

(Santa and Superman are then seen racing over the finish line at the exact same time)

Elf Spectator: It's a tie!

Boy #2: What a complete and total waste of everybody's time!

Flash: Well, even a tie has some entertainment value.

Crowd: Booo!!!

Superman: *laugh* Sorry we took so long, folks.

Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! We ran into a few race hazards.

Superman: Lex Luther, here, tryed to decue us both permanetly.

Santa Claus: Luckily, we stopped him, but only by working togethor.

Crowd: *cheer*

Superman: I think they're buying it. Bump it.

Santa Claus: Ausipicated.

Superman: Up up and away.

Lex Luther: What? Where am I ? I was at my mother's doing laundry and-

Superman: Weaponizing anthrax, Luther? Not on my watch.

Lex Luther: What? Weaponiz-

(Santa Claus slams the door in Lex Luther's face before the two high five and smile at the camera. During the credits, Santa and Superman are seen doing what they really did when they had the race)