Transcription:The A-Team

(Cut to the A-Team in front of their van. They are speaking to an unattractive woman.)

UNATTRACTIVE WOMAN: My father has been kidnapped because he refuses to pay protection money to a bunch of thugs!

FACEMAN: Sorry, lady. We're gonna pass on this one.

UNATTRACTIVE: But--but-- (sobbing)

HANNIBAL: All right. Who's our next appointment?

(An attractive woman walks up to them.)

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: My fater has been kidnapped beacuse he refuses to pay protection money to a bunch of thugs.

HANNIBAL: Lady, you just hired the A-Team.

(Title screen)

(Cut to the A-Team's helicopter)

B.A. BARACUS: I ain't flying, Hannibal. No way, no how.

HANNIBAL: That sounds perfectly reasonable, B.A. Now calm down and have some nice milk.

(B.A. drinks the milk)

B.A.: Mmm. Milk. Good for the bones. Good for the kids. I pity the fool who ain't got no calcium in his diet.

(Murdock slams a TV on B.A.'s head)

FACEMAN: Murdock, we drugged the milk!

(Cut to the inside of the helicopter)

MURDOCK: You know, years of drugged milk can have unfortunate side effects.

HANNIBAL: Oh, yeah? Like what, Murdock?

MURDOCK: Severe lactose intolerance.

B.A.: (farting) I don't like cheese.

FACEMAN: Can you roll down the windows in a helicopter?

HANNIBAL: This is going to be a long trip.

B.A. (mumbling) I want my rubber ducky.

(Cut to the outside of the thugs' office. The A-Team are in their van.)

HANNIBAL: OK, Face, infiltrate the office and steal their files.

FACEMAN: Easy as pie.

(Cut to the inside of the office building)

FACEMAN: Greetings. Is this where the thugs and/or criminals hang out? Because I, too am a thug and/or criminal.

THUG: Holy crap! It's Faceman from the A-Team!

THUG 2: Get him!

FACEMAN: Hannibal, they're onto us!

(The thugs fire at the van with machine guns.)

HANNIBAL: Easy, boys. We surrender.

(The thugs throw them into a room.)

THUG: We're gonna come back and deal with you heroes later.

HANNIBAL: All right. Let's assess the situation.

B.A.: I found a lawnmower.

FACEMAN: I found some thimbles.

MURDOCH: I found Jesus!

(Murdoch is dressed like the Pope.)

HANNIBAL: Let's show these punks what it means to mess with the A-Team.

(There is a montage of the A-Team working on something)

HANNIBAL: OK, gang. Let's get froggy on these tadpoles.

(They come bursting out of the compound in a heavily armored A-Team van. Murdoch comes out and shoots wildly with a machine gun. Hannibal launches a cannon at one of the thugs' cars. The other thugs shoot at them with machine guns as they fly up into the air, but the A-Team fire back with their cannon. Murdoch picks up a thug.)

HANNIBAL: Now are you going to leave that old man and his daughter alone?

THUG: Yes! For God's sake, yes!

HANNIBAL: That's all I needed to hear. B.A., do the honors.

B.A.: I'm gonna fly you out on Knuckle Airlines. Fist class.

THUG: My azaleas!

(The thug lands in a bed of flowers)

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: A-Team, you did it. You saved our family buisiness.

HANNIBAL: It was our pleasure. OH, and by the way, that'll be $50,000.

OLD MAN: $50,000? Our whole buisiness is only worth 10,000! We're ruined! Ruined!

HANNIBAL: I love it when a plan comes together. You guys are great.

MURDOCK: Look at that douchebag! He's just as good-looking as me!

(Cut to credits)