Transcription:Corey & Corey Save the World

Corey Haim: [Yawns.] Good morning! What are we going to do today, Corey Feldman? Corey Feldman: Same thing we do every day, Corey Haim. We save the world. [Both get dressed and put on hair gel.] Corey Feldman: Let's go start the day! Corey Haim: Yeah! [Both ssitting on a couch flipping through channels.] Mel E. Kazurowski (News Anchor): This just in: President Bush's daughters are missing in action after the helicopter carrying them to a USO tour event crashed in Brazilian Rainforest. The military released the following video tape just prior to the crash. Jenna Bush: Wooohoo! It's a party! Aaa-whoo! Barbara Bush: My dad's the president! Pilot: Ms. Bush please I can't see. Barbara Bush: Suck it! Pilot: Look out! Corey Feldman: Two presidental daughters! That's one for each of us. Corey Haim: Feld-dog, let's roll. [They exit their house in a van that goes into a jet.] Corey Haim: Coordinates are locked in. Corey Feldman: Let's punch it. Corey Haim: Woo! Corey Feldman: Yeah! Let's go, go ,go, go. Whoa, this is tight! This is tight! Corey Haim: That's what it would be like if we had the Corey Van and the Corey Jet. [They get on a bus.] ["96 Hours Later"] Corey Haim: Listen to me! We should have Corey Rocketpacks! Corey Feldman: Hey Corey I've got an idea for ya. How about a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up! Corey Feldman: Hey barkeep, nice frosty cola right here. Corey Haim: Two straws please. Barkeep: We don't surve your kind here. Corey Feldman: Our kind? You mean Americans?! Barkeep: No I mean anyone who's ever been on the cover of a teen magazine. Like Ba, Tiger Beat, Teen Beat, Cosmo, Grrl, J-14... Corey Haim: Hahah, boy, didn't you pick the wrong two Coreys. He-he-hey hey guys, listen we don't want any trouble and I don't think you do either so... Guy: To the contrary. Trouble is what you now have because we are giving it to you. Corey Feldman: Wait! Wait hahaha just wait. Now we're going to tear it up. Corey Haim: Yeah, Lost Boys style! [The Coreys get beaten up by the gang but one bumps into Dustin Diamond and he takes them all out.] Corey Feldman: Wow! Thanks for helping us douche...ah...Screech. Dustin Diamond: The location of the Bush daughters is here and now I must return to my Muay Thai kickbox training. Corey Feldman: Why would you help us? Dustin Diamond: Because I too am a former teen idol. [giggles.] Corey Feldman: Ah no, actually you were more like a second, third banana on a B-rated kids show but hey whatever you say. [The Coreys arrive at a small shack.] Corey Haim: What the hell is this place? Is this the place? Could this be the place? I'm going in either way so... Partier: Love shack baby! Corey Feldman: Yo! Presidental babes! Corey Haim: We're here to rescue ya! Barbara: Rescue us? You can go straight to hell! Jenna: Yeah we're finally free!! Free to partay! Barbara: Woo! Jenna: Ah-ah. We're never going home! Woohoo. Corey Haim: Look Feld-dog, if we can't bring them home, we can't be heroes. Corey Feldman: Well Haims, looks like we gotta rely on our one true skill. Corey Haim: Whoa wait, you're not talking about the thing we do with our taints right? Are ya? Corey Feldman: No, Corey. Acting! President Bush: Even though Corey Haim and Corey Feldman couldn't be here today, I want to thank them for bringing my precious daughters home. [Shows The Coreys dressed up as The Bush Twins. Feldman as Jenna and Haim as Barbara.] President Bush: I hereby declare that anyone who hates the Coreys, also hates America. Corey Haim: Hey Feld-dog, Feld-dog. What happens if they find the real Bush Twins, man? Corey Feldman: F-fat chance! [The Bush Twins are shown in a crate inside a warehouse, full of other crates, being pushed by a guy while the Bush Twins are yelling.] Barbara: Let us out! Jenna: Damn you to hell, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman! Barbara: My dad's the president. I'm gonna get you buried in oil and then I'm going to get my dad to invade you! Jenna: Actually I will get you hurt. Yeah how'd you like to get your ass kicked by Hali-bu-burton or Haliblurton?! Barbara: Haha haha. Gee, Jenna. We're like old apples tied up to a bag of s**t! Jenna: You suck! Barbara: I...ah...I gotta go to the bathroom!