Transcription:Where's Michael?

(A female reporter is standing in front of a building, surrounded on either side by crowds kept back by policemen.)

Reporter: A huge crowd of Michael Jackson fans has formed outside the Santa Barbara courthouse just to get a glimpse of their embattled idol. The 'King of Pop' is due here any minute. Wa-wait a second, I've just heard...yes, yes, he's here, Michael Jackson is here!

(A pumpkin coach pulled by horses pulls up in front of the courthouse. Michael Jackson opens the door and begins waving to the crowd.)

Michael Jackson: Hi, everybody. It's me, Michael Jackson. Hooray! Hi! Whee!

(Michael Jackson dismounts from the coach, walking in front of his fans.)

Michael Jackson: I love you. Here we go...look at me. I'm a (begins singing). So fun! We gonna be good friends!

Michael Jackson: Oh, thanks for coming, everybody. Yay! Whee! (tosses baby into air) I love you all!

(Michael Jackson walks up the stairs.)

Michael Jackson: We'll get through this together. We can beat the evil with love. I love you!

(A UFO streaks through the air and crash-lands on top of the pumpkin coach. Michael Jackson gasps.

The door to the UFO is blasted off and bounces off the courthouse stairs, along with the dead body of an alien. Michael Jackson screams.

The 'real' Michael Jackson, appearing as he did 15 years ago, rises out of the UFO as lights flash and pyrotechnics ignite.)

Bystander 1: It's...it's...Michael Jackson?

(Real Michael Jackson throws off his hat as the crowd gasps.)

Fake Jackson: Nah, nah, that's not Michael Jackson. I'm Michael Jackson. See, really. (Pulls out wallet) Look at my driver's license. Really says 'Michael Jackson'.

Real Jackson: I am Michael Jackson. The real Michael Jackson. I was kidnapped by aliens over 15 years ago.

(Flashback to a concert stage. Pyrotechnics misfire and set Michael Jackson's hair aflame. He begins screaming.)

Real Jackson: (narrating) A concert accident gave them an opportunity they couldn't pass up.

(Michael Jackson is being wheeled to a hospital operating room. Aliens stop and dismiss the doctors, take Michael Jackson, and replace him with the fake 'white' Michael Jackson.)

Real Jackson: I was taken away to another planet, while a fake was left in my place, all as a part of a plan to take over the world.

Bystander 2: Uhh, that doesn't seem to make much sense.

Fake Jackson: Those are lies. All lies. Stop lying! (Snatches baby).

Bystander 3: My baby!

(Fake Michael Jackson tosses the baby into the air, but the real Michael Jackson catches it and places it aside.)

Real Jackson: Now you've gone too far.

(Dance music begins playing.)

Real Jackson: (dancing around) Prepare to die!

Fake Jackson: (dancing around)

Real Jackson: (moonwalks)

Fake Jackson: (dancing around)

(The real and fake Michael Jacksons back into each other, and begin fighting. A boy pulls out a gun.)

Bystander 4: Oh my God, he's got a gun!

Boy: But which...which one is the real Michael Jackson?

Real Jackson: To be safe...you must shoot us both.

Bystander 5: Oh, that must be the real one.

(Boy shoots both Michael Jacksons, who fall to the ground dead.)

Lawyer: I guess that's an aquittal. (begins laughing)

(Cut to spaceship interior, where the scene in front of the courthouse is displayed on a large video screen in the background.)

Alien 1: Ah, damnit, damnit, damnit! (banging console) Years of planning ruined!

Alien 2: How were we going to take over the world with a white Michael Jackson anyways?

Alien 1: Damnit, damnit, damnit!