Transcription:Bob Barker's New Gig

This is Bob Barker ending my last show, reminding you to help control the pet population. Spay or neuter your pets today. So long, everybody. Hey, Phil, have you spayed or neutered your pet today? Nah, I'll do it tomorrow. You really should do it today. Whatever. Hmm I'd say that's $30 for the hedge clippers. Right. $12. 48 for the hair trimmers. Right. And $18. 29 for the chloroform. Right again, Bob. I've never felt so alive! All those years of talking about it, and now i'm actually doing something about it. No more hair balls for you. Come on down! The horses are at the starting gate. And they're off. With the help of flowers and some Barry White, we hope Jengo will finally impregnate Ming Li and save the species. Yo, boss, this is crazy. We got to watch our backs if we're gonna save our sacs. You got a plan? The mysterious castrating vigilante has struck again. In an unrelated story, the annual dog show starts today. This dog show's a no-show. I expect better manners from my guests, Bob. You? I should have known! That's right. And there's no way you're gonna shizzle my nizzle. It's for the good of the pet population! You know, Bob, I have to hand it to you. What's that? Your nuts! Aaaahhhhh! Ha ha ha ha ha! I'm 83 years old, stupid. I've been shooting dust for years. But I wouldn't mind a replacement set. Ah! My nuts! You're in deep trouble, friend balls deep. Spay or neuter your pets today! Fuck you, Bob Bar