Transcription:Dora the E-plorer

(Cut to different framed pictures of Dora on the wall, then moves to a teenage Dora sitting on a sofa texting on her cellphone.)

Mrs. Marquez: [unseen] Dora! DORA!

Dora: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-TUH?

Mrs. Marquez: It's almost time for your quinceanera! I need you to run to the store!

Dora: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, FINE-UH!

(Cut to marquee that says "Dora the Explorer: Quinceanera Special")

(Cut to Dora in the alcoholic drinks section of the store)

Dora: [reading shopping list] Soda, cookies, horchata... [crumples up shopping list and tosses it aside] BARF! [turns to audience] Help me out! Which beer has the highest alcohol by volume?

(A computer cursor appears and clicks on the Lager bottle.)

Dora: Good choice! [picks up the Lager bottle]

Backpack: Uh, Dora... You're not old enough to buy that!

Dora: No sh*t! [puts the bottle inside Backpack]

Backpack: Dora, please no! It's wrong- [Dora stuffs another bottle inside Backpack's mouth, which gags him]

Dora: Now let's complete this transaction! [runs out of the store]

Cashier: Hey! Stop that kid!

(Dora stands in the middle of the street with tenements in the backdrop.)

Dora: [turns to audience] I need your help again! I need everybody to shout, "WHERE MY MOTHERF***ING MAP AT?!"

(The computer cursor appears again and clicks on Backpack.)

Dora: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAH! [pulls out Map and opens him up] Map, show me where to find my friend Marcus. He's always holding.

Map: I uh, I don't know, Dora.

(Dora, annoyed, tears off part of Map.)

Map: [screams in pain] Okay, okay! He's at the park on Twelve under the jungle gym!

Dora: [excited] He said might have some X, too! [crumples up Map and tosses him aside while talking to the audience] You can call me "Dora the X-plorer!"

(Cut to Dora's quinceanera party, with Dora wearing a pink and orange dress)

Dora: [drunk while looking at the audience] Hey! I need your help! [gestures at her friends] Paulo or Maria?

(The computer cursor appears again and clicks on Maria.)

Dora: No argument here! [begins making out with Maria]

(Paulo and a group of turned-on men gasp and pull out their camera phones and take pictures of Dora and Maria making out.)

Swiper: [wearing a zoot suit and lifting up girls' skirts to look under, chuckling] Just call me the "virginity" Swiper.

Dora: [turns to Swiper and waving her hand] Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping!

Girl: [walks past Dora and Maria] You're too late.

(Girl walks to Swiper. Swiper jumps into girl's arms as the girl walks backwards into the maintenance room.)

Swiper: Oh, man!

(Mr. and Mrs. Marquez are sitting at a table, watching the party.)

Mrs. Marquez: I wish Boots was here to see our little girl become a woman!

Mr. Marquez: Monkeys are cute when they're little, but Boots... got big.

(Cut to a black and white TV screen with a large van. An old woman is talking to Boots.)

Old Woman: Oh hello, Boots!

Boots: [growls and attacks the old woman, killing her]

(Some policemen appear to stop the assault.)

Policeman 1: Get away!

Policeman 2: Get a- Oh my God! Oh my-

(Policeman 1 shoots Boots, killing him.)

(Cut back to Mr. and Mrs. Marquez. Most of the party guests run out of the building.)

Boy: Oh my God! Dora's on the roof!

Dora: [standing at the roof's edge, looking at the audience] I bet I can fly. Do you think I can fly? [pauses for a moment, then begins crying] I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO HEAR YOU! THAT'S THE SHOW'S BIG LIE!!!! [proceeds to jump] WOOHOOOOO- [splats on the ground and dies]

(Everyone at the party, including Dora's parents, witnesses Dora's jump.)

Everyone: Ooh! Aww...

Paulo: Oh, she missed the pool...

(Cue static)