Transcription:Five Stages of Grief

{A giraffe finds himself stuck in quicksand.}

Giraffe: Uh-oh.

''{A screen reminiscent of old-school TV appears with the words STAGE ONE ~ DENIAL. The screen returns to the Giraffe, who has sank lower in the quicksand.}''

Giraffe: It's no big deal. It's probably not even quicksand. I'mma have a good laugh about this tonight with the guys. {Nervous laughter.}

''{A screen reminiscent of old-school TV appears with the words STAGE TWO ~ ANGER. The screen returns to the Giraffe, who is only a little deeper in the quicksand.}''

Giraffe: Well this is just ing PERFECT. Stupid quicksand. Stupid jungle. Argh, I wanna bite someone in the face! Mother. Mother. {enunciating} Mo-ther-. Ahh ! Dah, stupid jungle. Ugh, !

''{A screen reminiscent of old-school TV appears with the words STAGE THREE ~ BARGAINING. The screen returns to the Giraffe, who is only a little deeper in the quicksand.}''

Giraffe: Are you there god? It's me, Giraffe. L-listen, if you would just give me a mulligan on this quicksand thing, I promise... I promise... no more peeing on your shorter creatures. {nervous chuckle, stutters} Wh-- d'ya-- got a deal?

''{A screen reminiscent of old-school TV appears with the words STAGE FOUR ~ DEPRESSION. The screen returns to the Giraffe, who is now halfway up the neck in quicksand.}''

Giraffe: {long howling sobs}

''{A screen reminiscent of old-school TV appears with the words STAGE FIVE ~ ACCEPTANCE. The screen returns to the Giraffe, who is now up to his chin in quicksand.}''

Giraffe: You know somethin'? I'm cool with this. I-I bet... I bet heaven has all the tender leaves I can eat... and everyone gets their own slurpee machine. Yeah...! Take me, sweet death! I await your loving embrace! {The Giraffe's head thunks on the quicksand.} Oomph. Wha...? I think I hit the bottom. {Struggles a moment, to no avail.} .

''{A rodent (assumedly a mouse) comes and stands by the quicksand, squeeking for a moment. It then uses the Giraffe's head as a stepping stone to hop across the quicksand.}''