Transcription:The Emperor's Phone Call

[Palpatine is sitting in his headquarters in Coruscant, talking to two guards] Palpatine: Ha ha ha ha, so I threw the senate at him. The whole senate! True story. First Guard: Oh my god, that is so funny! Second Guard: You made it [Milk from the carton in his hand] come out of my nose!'' Palpatine: [His phone rings] Vote for Papa Palpatine. Operator: You have a collect call from - [Vader's voice] Darth Vader. Palpatine: [sighs] Oh, I-I gotta take this, hold on. Vader! How's my favorite Sith? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just slow down. Huh? What do you mean 'they blew up the Death Star?' F***! Oh, f*** f*** f***! ...who's 'they'?! What the hell is an 'Aluminum Falcon'?! [sighs] Okay, okay, s-so who's left? Are you sh**tin' me? Well where are you? Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like... feet wrapped in... leathery... burnt.. bacon. Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide. That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you have - do you have any idea what this is gonna do to my credit? [phone rings] Ah, hang on, I've got another call. [switches line] What?! I'm very busy right now! ...Oh. Oh, we-well where're they going? Oh. Alright, um, just get me a Turkey Club. Uh, Cole Slaw, I guess. I-I'm not even gonna eat it. W-w-what're you getting? No, see, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, no, I'll just stick with that. Okay, bye - wait, what? Oh, a Cherry Coke. Thanks. [switches back to Vader] Sorry about that. [sighs] ...what? Oh-oh, 'just rebuild it'? Oh, real f***ing original. And who's gonna give me a loan, jackhole, you? Y-you got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your seven foot two asthmatic ass back here or I'm gonna tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about 'Padamamay' or 'Panda Bear' or what ever the hell her name is!! ...oh geez, he's crying! Ha, ha...hey, hey, hey, hey, c'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just, just, look, ah, y'know, I'm dealing with a lot of crap right now. Eh, Death Star blown up by a bunch of f***ing teenagers, y'know? I didn't mean to snap. [Motions to guards a gesture of 'jacking off', showing Vader's gullibility] Oh, oh, j-just get back here. Okay, okay, bye. I-I-yeh-I...I love you too.